The fear of being abandoned. The shame in being rejected
and not seen as you are. The terror of being alone.
The panic when you allow another to matter. The anxiety
that you may become dependent. The crushing disappointment as you realize
things weren’t ever really going to turn out the way you thought they would.
These are the great fears that emerge as you wake, sleep,
and wander along the path of the heart.
But perhaps the greatest fear of all is that you are already loved, a truth which erupts as the trance of unlove dissolves. For
when you are entirely seen and fully held, it is the end of your world as you
know it. Life is always seeing you, and holding you in this way.
If you will allow this revelation all the way in, you will
never be the same again. You will no longer be able to pretend you are other
than radiant and whole as you are, watching in astonishment as the spell of
unworthiness unwinds in front of your very eyes.
You will no longer be able to stand back on the sidelines,
taking refuge in the old vision that you are unworthy of a life of wild love,
creativity, exploration, intimacy, and play. You will no longer be able to stay
safe and protected in the cocoon of unworthiness.
While a part of you longs for this sort of shift, please
consider the consequences of the death of this ancient dream. Nothing will ever
be the same again. Are you prepared for this?To no longer have the companions
of unworthiness to travel with will leave you naked, raw, unguarded, and
vulnerable. For the beloved wants your burning, your longing, your sensitivity,
and your vulnerability. She is not interested in your clear clarity, resolved
awakening, and fantasies of being free from future heartbreak.
While there may
always be a part of you that longs for new life more than anything, another
part may not be so sure. Please honor the contradictory feelings that you will
inevitably encounter along the way. For they are all valid, honorable, and
workable on the path of love.
Dare to see that you were never unhealed, that nothing is
ultimately missing, and that you are already fully alive. Not after you first
heal your past, find your soul mate, wiggle into a “high vibration,” or replace
the burning with joy. Not after you wrap it all up, become an “expert” or
“master,” become “untouchable” or “utterly powerful,” or transcend your sacred
vulnerability. Allow the dream of postponement to end.
Provide safe passage for the unlovable one, the unworthy
one, the broken one, and the unhealed one to fall away into the fierce, tender
vastness that you are. Honor the service they have provided and allow them to
continue their journey back to the stars from which they came. For they are no
longer needed in the magic of the here and now.
To let in the implications of this is utterly exhilarating.
And completely terrifying simultaneously. One world is ending so that another
may appear from behind the clouds of separation. This world is not being
“created,” but has always been here, patiently awaiting your participation,
longing for the day the spell of unworthiness would be broken.
Sunrise nearby at Brainard Lake, photo by Michael Chilcoat
