It is important to realize that the path of opening the
heart is not that of becoming a receptacle for the unloading of others’
unconscious, unresolved beliefs, unprocessed feelings, and unintegrated
behaviors. It is to the degree that we are attuned to the alchemical “inner
other” within us that we will be able to skillfully respond to the projections
of the external other upon us.
As our perception is cleansed, we come to see that the
“other” is not only those persons who appear in our lives, but the “inner
other” that we have lost contact with along the way: the unmetabolized guests
of the somatic landscape that we have turned from and sent into a dark, shadowy
forest.
These ones will always and into eternity surge to be
allowed back into the inner family, forever appearing as your intimate
partners, children, and friends; as the colors, the moon, the sun, and the
stars, taking infinite form to reach you. The sensual world is rich with hidden
emissaries of wholeness and the heart. Slow way down, and see.
The only way to care for and integrate the “other” is by
way of profound levels of self-compassion. For many, this holding does not come
naturally as it was not encoded into the nervous system of a little one in an
environment lacking in empathic attunement to the magic and brilliance of the
unfolding emotional world. But despite the early relational trauma, the
developmental wounding, and the disorganized narratives of attachment, you can
learn and practice this now.
While appearing “compassionate” on the outside, being an
emotional doormat involves the re-enacting of early, unconscious dynamics. We
learned that devaluing ourselves, often in very subtle ways, was the best route
to get our needs met, to fit in, to receive attention and affection, and to maintain
a precarious tie to an unavailable attachment figure.
Because the pathways are luminous – neither solid nor fixed
– they can be reorganized around empathy, kindness, and presence. But this
possibility occurs only by way of self-compassion and the unconditional
commitment to no longer abandon the inner other as it surges within you, in the
form of feeling, sensation, and vulnerability of all kinds.
Look carefully and see the ways you habitually place
others’ needs over your own… not out of true compassion for them, but as a
re-enactment of an early environment of shame and unworthiness. With love, seed
the surging somatic material with holding and attunement, receive the longing
for update and integration, and step into the sacred world which is already here,
wired into the stars and into the tender cells of your very own heart.
