Co-emerging with a disturbing emotion or feeling-state is
an invitation into the center, into the alchemical middle territory between the
opposites of repression and fusion.
While the ways of self-abandonment are infinite, the most
reliable is to disembody and begin thinking, to shift our awareness out of the
surging, pregnant aliveness in the belly and the heart, and back into the
numbing flatness of the conditioned storyline. It is believed to be safer here,
more sure, and more certain, but there is nothing safe about
disembodiment.
Yes, the voices can be relentless - sticky, loud,
seductive, and claustrophobic. "Something is wrong." "You are
not enough." "You have failed." "You must escape."
"There is a horrible problem here that must urgently be handled."
"You must improve yourself... and quickly."
These are the voices of the orphaned one who is longing to
finally be seen, to be met, to be heard, to be felt. Spinning and scrambling to
make sense of a misattuned world, she will do what she must to reach you. She
wants you out of the fire and back into safety for this is all she knows, an
earlier version of you without the capacity to turn into the somatic aliveness
and offer the healing rains of loving presence. She is trying to care for you
in the only ways she knows... but a new level of care is erupting underneath
the surface.
When you find yourself pulled into the extremes of denying
or repressing what has come, on the one hand, or fusing with it on the other,
fueling the ancient story that something is wrong with you... the invitation is
into slowness, into rest, into a primordial sort of opening into the middle.
Nothing need be understood, shifted, transformed, or healed... for now.
The invitation is into holding, not healing.... for it is
from the ground of this embodied, intimate, naked embrace with what you are
that all healing will organically emerge.
