Early relational experiences are encoded in neural
circuitry in the first 18 months of life. Stored as implicit memory, they are
inaccessible by ordinary awareness, forming templates through which we engage
the world. In a moment of activation, the templates come surging online. Before
we realize it, previously sequestered material has flooded our perception.
Our expectations in relationship – whether we can count on
others, are worthy of love, will allow another to matter or whether we can take
the risk to lead with our vulnerability – are organized in a fragile little
nervous system that yearns for connection. The neural pathways are tender and
responsive, as we seek attuned, right-brain to right-brain resonance with those
around us. We want to feel felt, have our experience held and mirrored, and for
pure space in which we can explore unstructured states of being.
While this encoding is deeply embedded, it can be rewired.
While it may feel entrenched, it is not as solid as it appears. Even if your
early environment was one of empathic failure, developmental trauma, and
insecure attachment, it is never too late. The wild realities of
neuroplasticity and the courage of the human heart is unstoppable and an
erupting force of creativity.
Through new relational experiences – with a lover, a
friend, a therapist, a baby; a star, a deer, a mountain, the moon – love is
hidden inside the caverns of neural circuitry. It is the substance which forms
the neurons and their synapses, lighting up heart-cells in a moment of connection.
Each time you attune to another – or to the unmet inner “other” within you – a
new world is born.
As long as breath is present, you can update the narrative,
recraft your perception and re-envision a new story. You can make new meaning
of your life, re-imagine your purpose, and renew your commitment to being here.
Slowly, you can revise your circuitry with pathways of holding awareness,
flooding it with empathic attunement, presence, and warmth.
No matter what is happening in your life, you can start
right now, in this moment. The opportunity for reorganization is always here
and wired deep within you. Don’t give up. Love will never give up on you.
The Way of Rest summer retreat – registration open now
New book – The Path is Everywhere: Uncovering the Jewels Hidden Within You – to be released in April
