Falling apart, holding it all together. Then falling apart,
then coming back together again. Cycles of clarity and confusion. Hopelessness
and hope. Heartbreak and bliss. As the seasons of the natural world unfold, so
do the creative and destructive aspects of love as it makes its way into
matter.
Inside the opposites it is relentlessly creative, but there
is no solid ground from which to orient. Some sort of death has occurred, and
we know that things cannot stay the same. Something is calling, reaching
back into the present from a future that is marinating in the womb of Now. But
what will be reborn from the ashes is not yet known.
Rather than scramble out of death and into rebirth
prematurely, stay in the fire. It is unknown here, naked and fresh, and
pregnant with essence. See that death does not need to be “healed” or
“transformed,” for it is outrageous, wild, and utterly pure on its own. Enter
inside the broken and discover the raw life that is found only here.
If you remain too identified with “falling apart,” you lose
contact with innate radiance, and become misattuned to the flow of embodied
experience as it is. You disconnect with the magic of presence, with the wisdom
of the earth, and the realization that nothing is wrong with you. You forget
that the darkness, when provided sanctuary, is brighter than a thousand suns.
But if you remain too identified with “holding it all
together,” you disconnect from natural vulnerability and the spontaneous
mystery as it appears, turning from the surging reality that things could fall
apart and reorganize at any moment. It is true that raw, tender heartbreak
could approach at any time, requesting safe passage inside you. But it is
through this broken aliveness that the poetry of your life will flow.
Right in the middle of “falling apart” and “holding it
together” is the secret place. Stay there. It is here where you will find the
rest you are longing for, the remedy to the exhaustion of becoming. It is here
where the light and the dark are in union, where integration and disintegration
emerge as one in love, and where lunar and solar weave together particles of
the sacred world.
