In any close relationship (where we take the risk of allowing another to matter) we open ourselves to the two primordial archetypal energies of abandonment and fusion. Sensing the potential for shattering reorganization, it makes sense that there is some hesitancy in stepping all the way in.
We come into relationship with a living template of past relational experiences: will I be safe? Can I be as I am? What about all of my sensitivities, vulnerabilities, and weeping wounds? Will I need to be someone different in order to be seen and held? Will I lose myself? Is this all going to be worth it?
Inevitably, ruptures will occur within the relational field, in that tender intersection between ourselves and another. But these ruptures are natural and quantum, and reveal themselves to be hidden portals to wholeness.
A healthy relationship is not one where there is never any conflict, but where rupture is repaired, where repair is path, and where we honor our connectedness as well as our autonomy. The invitation is into the unresolvable waters of separation and union, not unconscious merging into some homogenized leaky middle.
Each of us arrives into the emerging we-space with biographical, cultural, and archetypal patterning. These intertwine to form the interactional field, along with the companionship, play, and reorganizing nature of the mysterious Other, the third who also appears.
Through co-regulation and making sense together, the templates reveal their transparency and become ripe for revisioning. In the core of that ripening it is achy and sensitive, and will ask everything of us, dissolving the dream of the way we thought it was all going to turn out.
In this way, the role of the Beloved is to take us to dust. But it is within the particles of that dust that the alchemical gold is scattered and longing for us to be a vessel for it to make it into this world.
This is why close personal relationships can be so achingly painful, on the one hand, while simultaneously being the most majestic and transmutative temple on the other.