The contradictory feelings of hope and hopelessness, connection and collapse, anxiety and rest. The shakiness in the belly. The tightness in the throat. The shattering emptiness inside the heart. Glimpses of true joy that in the next moment are gone.
All the techniques, teachings, and advice; the new beliefs to take on, the worn-out ideas about how to respond, how to make sense of the senseless, how to find relief. These are all dissolved, and only a burning remains.
This burning is the doorway, the portal, and the lifeline. In ways the mind can’t always understand, there is refuge in the burning, in the core of the broken pieces.
It can feel as if we’re inside the bardo between one moment and the next. We know that we can’t go back to the way it was, but what’s next has yet to appear. It’s being heated and cooked in the vessel. There is creativity in the liminal, but it requires a relinquishing of the known for it to be revealed.
We are asked to marinate in the womb of now, tend to the groundlessness, and find refuge in the unknown: to be midwife to the darkened illumination. To shepherd the wandering orphans of psyche and soma.
There are signs, symbols, synchronicities, and guidance all around and inside us, but our perception must be cleansed to receive that high-voltage communication.
As we bear witness to a new day, the breath is here. The heart is quivering, but alive. The birdsong, the trees, the vast blue sky. The miracle of the senses. The sun has come up again. The moon is hiding nearby waiting for her turn to bless. For just one moment, the veil parts and we are provided with a glimpse behind the scenes.
Perhaps today was never going to be the day when we figured it all out, resolved all the contradictions, or integrated the wild undomesticated activity of love. We can’t integrate love, but we can bear witness as it integrates us.
Today may not be the day for answers, but to let your heart break open to the vastness of the question. To fall to the ground as a humble lover of the mystery. And listen once again.
Photo: attuning to the heart beat, Lappohja Beach
A Sanctuary of the Heart: live, in-person retreat with me and Jeff Foster - June 3-8, 2025 in Loveland, Colorado - stay tuned for more information
