The mystery of the "Other"

It is so natural to long for deep relationship with another, a fellow traveler with whom to navigate the twists and turns, to explore the uncharted lands of the heart and wild terrain of the body. To enter the dark and light places and seed them together with shared essence.

In our own unique ways, we call out for union, to no longer postpone entry into the temple. This yearning is pure, valid, and can be honored for its authenticity. While it may seem that we are forsaken, the return message is always given. It is found inside the longing, within the core of the burning and not in its resolution.

Alas, the prayer is heard. In response, the “other” appears. But is it the one we imagined? The holy other does not always appear in external form, but often as shards and pieces of soul, and luminous light-fragments of the heart.

Sadness rushes onto the scene: “When will you practice intimacy with me?” Loneliness is next, pleading for a moment of your undistracted attention. Shame, rage, despair, grief, jealousy, fear: “We are here too. Do not abandon us and turn away for some other lover.”

When we make the call for the other to return, the ancient ones will always respond, spinning and shifting the forms of the phenomenal world, arranging meetings and encounters with the emanations in all their glory and mess.

These ones arrive not as enemy to disrupt, but as the most true, faithful lover, never able to truly abandon you. Not to harm but to illuminate. Not to fragment but to seed wholeness.

In that encounter, we are reminded that we will never be able to be more intimate with another than we are with the unwanted lovers within. If we do not provide sanctuary and safe passage for the unmet inside, how will we ever truly recognize, breathe, and play with the beloved in external form?

Photo by Bettina Güber

My online community, co-facilitated with Jeff Foster - Befriending Yourself: Meditative, Nondual, and Depth Psychological Perspectives - is currently closed to new members. To learn about the program and put your name on the mailing list for future re-opens, please visit the site here. 

My most recent book – The Path Is Everywhere: Uncovering the Jewels Hidden Within You – is available in both paperback and Kindle editions. 

My next book, A Healing Space: Befriending Ourselves in Difficult Times, will be published by Sounds True in 2020.