Tuesday, December 31, 2013

A sadness pouring out of your overflowing heart

You thought that as you awakened, you would feel less. But you are seeing that love continues to ask you to feel more. There was an idea that as your heart opened, your vulnerability would lessen, but you are more raw and tender now than you’ve ever been. You wondered if as you grew spiritually, you would be more detached, not care quite so much, and rest as the “witness” of your life from beyond it all. But, alas, you care so much you are burning up inside.

Something new is being born in you, but something else is dying. Everything you thought you needed is falling away, but what it is being replaced with is not yet clear. You are between the worlds, dancing between broken and whole, with light and dark being weaved within you.

You are so open it is almost as if a certain kind of sadness has come to permeate your life. Even the light in the snow, the color in the sunset, or the wind passing is almost too much; you are not sure you can let it in all the way. Even the orange and the red in the sky, if you let it come inside, might take you to the ground. There is a sense that you could die of astonishment at just how much grace is here. There is a purple that has never, ever come into being until now; give everything to know it. It is so precious here. The beloved is pouring colors throughout this dimension so that she may evoke her qualities in your body and through your senses.

You know that things will never be the same again, but you still do not know what is coming next or even where you are, or what is truly being asked of you. This unknowing groundless ground is your home now, and the creativity and the intelligence here are overwhelming. Yes, things are colored by a certain fragrance of sadness, but it is a sadness the mind could never know, for it has nothing to do with something being missing. It is a sadness which is pouring out of your overflowing heart. You are willing to give your heart to others and to this world, for you are seeing that this is why you have come here.


Monday, December 30, 2013

For it is here that the light and dark are in union

You are falling apart, and then holding it all together. Then falling apart, then holding it all together again. Love is being born within you, cleansing you from the inside, showing you how whole you really are. It is revealing the essence of what you are beyond that which comes and goes. It is showing you that you could never truly fall apart, because you were never together to begin with.  You are beyond all that.

If you remain too identified with the falling apart, you disintegrate; you lose contact with the radiance within you, and you become misattuned to the unfolding of your somatic experience, which is the movement of pure, luminous wisdom. You forget how intelligent and how creative it is inside you, and that you are never, ever in need of fixing. You forget that the darkness, when provided sanctuary, is brighter than a thousand suns inside your heart. 

But if you remain too identified with holding it all together, you disconnect from your vulnerability, you turn from the wild reality that your heart could break at any moment. You forget that it is through your brokenness that your gifts pour into this world. You forget that each and every crack in your heart is an illumined portal through which the poetry of your life will flow. 

Right in the middle of falling apart and holding it together is the secret place. Stay there. For it is there where the light and the dark are in union, and where the beloved is waiting to play with your preciousness. 

Sunday, December 29, 2013

The deflation of your world is the secret gift of the beloved

At times, your journey will reveal itself as the lonely path of disappointment. When the beloved appears as the unraveling of egoic process, you lose your enchantment with who you thought you were and everything you thought you knew. 

If you will create a sanctuary for it, you may see that your disappointment is illuminated with heart-wisdom and is drenched with creativity. It is revealing your connection with the earth, with your body, and with the reality that love will never conform to your concepts. 

The deflation of your world is the secret gift of the beloved. And through her blessed activity, she is weaving the particles of love as a golden pathway into the center of your heart. 

Saturday, December 28, 2013

The yogini of the broken heart

You are a yogini of aloneness and your yoga is that of a broken-open heart. You are willing to be touched by this life and by others, to make love with this world, and to stay embodied with your precious vulnerability.

Yes, the ground has fallen away and there are no longer any reference points to return to; the known world has dissolved into vast empty space. Despite the uncertainty, you are alive, and attuning now to high-voltage grace and creativity, pouring out of the stars, and forming the particles of what is coming next. The luminous burning erupting inside your heart is your only remaining refuge.

Inside your holy womb the mysteries of lover and beloved are being held, so that those with open hearts may discover these secrets when the conditions are ripe. Yes, in any moment your heart may break, you may fall in love in the most excruciating way, but you really have no choice other than to move closer, for wild intimacy with all things is the only way for you now. You are so raw, so tender, so wide open—and these are your offerings to this weary place.

While you will take rest from time to time, you are seeing that there is really no day off for the yogini with the broken-open heart, for you never know when love will need you. You are willing to touch the sadness of the world, hold it inside your body, and transmute the darkness into kindness, for the benefit of beings everywhere.

In many ways, your life is no longer your own, for you have given it to love. It is this giving that is your only yoga now.   


Friday, December 27, 2013

Your burning is grace

When will the burning end? You have surrendered, given everything to know love, but you are still being asked ... to ... burn ... more. How could you be shown so much, only to have it all taken away? All that is left now is a raging, unrequited longing, surging achiness in your body, and an unbearable rawness in your heart. You are right on track. 

And then in the next moment, when all hope has vanished into an unbearable hopelessness, a firestorm of grace arrives: you see so clearly that this longing, this burning, and this agonizing tenderness *is* the return message. Love has not abandoned you, but is pouring through the cracks in your armor; re-wiring your body, re-calibrating the cells of your heart, and laying new pathways of blessing through your nervous system. 

Slow way down, friend, lay your hands on your heart, and behold the secret transmission of this dimension: this burning is not a sign that grace has forsaken you, but *is* grace, and grace can never, ever be missing from your life. It is the very substance of your cells, of the strands of your DNA, and is forming the particles of love that have taken shape as your miracle senses. This burning is none other than wild love itself, come to annihilate every barrier that could ever be between you and your untamed dripping heart. 

It is so natural to conclude that grace will remove your burning—and that this is its function—but you are seeing now that this is not why it has come here. It has arrived to set on fire all that is false within you—all that is less than whole—and to show you so clearly that that which is real will never, ever burn away.  

It is so hard, friend, because love is a moment of the unknown, and will never conform to the way you thought it would be, to your previous reference points, hopes, and fears. It will annihilate the entire known world in order to polish your heart, and open your body to the undeniable truth of why you have come here.  Everything you thought you knew about love, about intimacy, about awakening, about healing, about relationships—it will all be incinerated by this burning. 

You are being asked to give everything now, to trust what you know in your heart, for what is coming next for you is beyond this world.