Inside the opposites it is alive and creative, but there is no solid ground from which to orient. No familiar reference point to look back to or rest in. Only tenderness. Open. Pregnant. Potential. Shaky. But what will be reborn from the ashes has not yet been given.
The tendency in these moments is to rush to rebirth in an urgent attempt to reassemble the known, where it is believed safety and aliveness is to be found. We can honor the adaptive function this belief has provided, while discovering for ourselves if this perceptual organization is able to meet the longing wired within the cells of this heart.
If we remain too identified with “falling apart,” we lose contact with that which was never unhealed, untransformed, and was never “together” to begin with. That innate radiance, the holiness of the breath, and the miracle of having an open sensitive nervous system. We disconnect with the magic of embodied presence, the wisdom of the mud and the earth, and the unshakable confidence in our true nature.
But if we remain too identified with “holding it all together,” we split off from our organic spontaneity, imaginative vulnerability, and the truth that love will take whatever form it must to reveal its qualities within us. Raw, achy, illuminating heartbreak may approach at any time, requesting safe passage inside. But it is through this broken aliveness that the poetry of our lives will flow.
Right in the middle of “falling apart” and “holding it together” is the secret place. Go there. It is here where light and dark are at play. For just a moment the veil parts. We peer behind the curtain and are astonished.
Falling in Love with Where You Are: Embracing the Joy and Heartbreak of Spiritual Awakening - our annual spring, five-day retreat - will take place April 22-27, 2020 at Sunrise Ranch in Loveland, Colorado, with myself and Jeff Foster. More information here.
My next book, A Healing Space: Befriending Ourselves in Difficult Times, will be published by Sounds True in 2020.