A Healing Space... reflections on love, meaning, and the aliveness of immediate experience
The purpose of this blog is to provide a holding, attuned, and provocative space for the mysteries of your heart to unfold. All of you is welcome here, in all of your glory - the painful, the joyous, the heartbroken, and the weary. The invitation is to see your entire life as an expression of high-voltage, creative guidance, and for you to offer yourself to the endless and infinite dimension of love that is emerging within and around you right now.
Much is said these days about healing and spiritual
awakening, and the deep joy, clarity, and peace that are the promised fruits of
the inner life. Not much is mentioned, however, about the disappointment
involved in waking up, and the immense deflation wired into the healing
Awakening can break our hearts and shatter old dreams. It
is oriented in birth and death, creativity and destruction, and must by its
nature dance in the full spectrum. Not only does it introduce us to
transfiguration, but to the chaotic glory of the crucifixion and resurrection
as well. Yes, the Kingdom is here, now, but requires your full participation
for its qualities to emerge here.
While it is natural to have a bias for resurrection, inside
the crucible dark and light are one. Here, crucifixion is holy and
disappointment is sacred, for they are forerunners of wholeness. Death and life
are not two. Confusion and clarity are not two. Vulnerability and aliveness are
It requires a nonconventional, courageous commitment to
participate in these pathways, and you may always find some resistance inside
you and within the collective. It requires erupting momentum to reorganize what
has until now been the status quo. “Getting what I want” is no longer the
reference point from which you will be asked to organize your experience. Love
is the new organizer and may have a different idea.
You may always be asked to provide sanctuary and safe
passage for fear, uncertainty, doubt, and despair. These are the secret allies
guarding the gate and have been placed on your path as disguised forms of love.
They have not come to harm, but as portals into something new, quantum, vast,
Dare to see that things are not always as they appear.
Relationships ending, dreams collapsing, careers recycling, the death of a
family member, and the infinite symptoms of the somatic and emotional worlds …
drenched in purpose, soaking in meaning. Evidence not of error, failure, or
defeat, but of the relentlessly creative nature of love as it emerges here.
There are times when you become activated, hooked, and
triggered, and the walls feel as if they are closing in. Thoughts that
something is wrong with you, that you are unworthy, unlovable. Feelings of
shame, rage, fear, and despair.
Before you conclude that all is lost, slow way down. Cut
into the trance with your breath, soothe it with your senses, and dissolve it
with the allies of the natural world around you. Feel your feet on the ground.
A child has appeared. An orphan. One who has been on a long, tumultuous
journey. She is lost and disoriented, he is longing for rest.
As the knock on the door becomes louder, you must decide if
you will let this one in, or turn her away. Even though for thousands of
moments the knock has fallen upon deaf ears, she has not given up. She cannot
If you do not care for the lost ones, who will? You have
asked your partners, your children, your family members, your friends. As much
as they love you, they cannot open the door for you. You are the only one with
No matter what is going on in your life, or how convinced
you have become that you have failed, you can turn toward the door, now. Start
exactly where you are with an intention to no longer abandon yourself.
The abandoned ones are in constant movement, spinning and
shifting shapes in their longing to be seen and allowed back home. Appearing as
thoughts, feelings, sensations, and memories. As fantasies, symptoms, hopes,
and dreams. Even as the colors and the mountains, the trees, and the stars.
With the intention for communion as your guide, the next
time you are met by the burning, the restlessness, the claustrophobia, and the
shaky, survival-level vulnerability, remember your aspiration. Weave together a
sanctuary where the visitors can rest from a long journey. Provide safe passage
such that their richness and meaning may be revealed.
Inside the heart, you will see that the lost ones do not
need to be transformed. They do not need to be shifted. They do not even need
to be healed. Only held. Go slowly. One second at a time, then rest. They are
not in a hurry. They have been looking for you since beginningless time, and
will never give up.
May we hold all Fathers in our hearts today, in recognition
of the gift of life they have given. Some of us are close with Dad, some are
not. Some have very fond memories of him and some do not. Some of us never
really got to know that person we call(ed) “Dad,” what moved and inspired him,
what triggered fear in him or what brought him joy, what was really going on in
his heart, or what he truly wanted from this life.
But the one thing we do know is that, just like us, Dad
only ever wanted to be happy, to be free from suffering, and in his own way
longed to enter into the mystery, to live a meaningful life, to respond
skillfully to suffering and heartbreak, to know for even a moment the truth
that love is alive here.
Also, just like us, Dad is/ was only able to use the tools
he had been given to take the journey that was his. It is not likely Dad was
raised by enlightened parents, learned about mindfulness, empathic attunement,
or practiced yoga. Or grew up in an environment which fully held and mirrored
the unfolding majesty that he was at the deepest levels. Just like us, Dad has
acted out of his own pain, in ways that have caused suffering for him, for us,
and for those around us. Just like we have.
We may never understand the nature of Dad’s journey, why he
acts as he does, what scares him, touches his heart, or how he is making
meaning of a crazy world; what his deepest fears and longings are (or were),
what keeps him up at night, or what causes him to fall to the ground in awe. We
may never be able to make sense of it. But perhaps today is not a day of
answers or understanding, or even of healing, forgiving, or accepting. Perhaps
today is a day of just one moment of sacred pause, heart-connection, shared
presence, and remembrance. And meeting Dad in the core of the mystery.
Whether Dad is still on this earth or love has sent him
elsewhere, it is possible to connect with him right here and right now, for he
is alive inside every cell. For some unknown reason, love has placed him into
the strands of your DNA, and in many (but not all) cases he has done his best
to love you, given his own limited abilities and influences, developmental and
karmic. Perhaps he has succeeded, perhaps he has failed. Or perhaps it has been
mixed, as our love has been for him.
No matter what has happened in the past, or the nature of
your relationship with this one we call “Dad,” he has provided the gift of
life, a precious human body, and the opportunity to take this rare human
journey, to explore the mysteries of love in form. While some of us may not be
able to meet and connect with Dad in this way, if our time with him was just
too painful or too destructive (we can honor this truth and need not shame or
attack ourselves for it), we can hold this aspiration in our hearts, if (and only
if) we are so called, and allow the seeds of love and healing to flower in
their own way, in their own time.
May we honor Father on this day in all of his emanations
and in all of his forms – personal, collective, transpersonal, and beyond – and
may we be guided by the wisdom qualities that have come down through Father
everywhere, since beginningless time.
May we embody these qualities and make use of these
blessings to help others, to do what we can to reduce suffering in this world,
and to never forget the inherent goodness in the erupting human heart.