At times it will appear that nothing is happening, which can lead to the conclusion that we are “stuck,” “not doing it right,” that we’ve failed, fallen short yet again, or not surrendered enough. The mind has a nearly unlimited capacity to fantasize, especially in ways that follow early neural pathways of shame, self-abandonment, and painful organizations of unworthiness.
It is easy and natural to behold the beloved when he appears as peace, flow, happiness, and gratitude. But when she comes raging as nothingness, flatness, numbness, and confusion, we can become disoriented and return to that conditioned circuitry for navigation.
But for the beloved, each of her emissaries are equally holy, infused with the sacred, and deeper invitations into the tender openness of the body and the heart.
Before we turn from the non-conventional allies of confusion and doubt, let us slow down and reimagine. In a world that is fixated with doing, answers, and resolving the wild, contradictory activity of love, we must remember that death is required for new forms of life and creativity to emerge.
As an experiment in radical self-compassion, you could give yourself permission to not-know, for now, without any shame, judgment, or pressure to urgently find answers or to resolve the mystery. But to rest and to trust in the unfolding of the human heart.
This embodied not-knowing is not passive or a resigned giving up, but alive, fiery, curious, and honoring of the dark as well as the light. There is profound wisdom and creativity in the core of not-knowing, in slowness, and in rest, but we must retrain ourselves to receive that level of revelation.
In this reception, we see that not-knowing is a perfectly valid, honorable, and authentic place to be, and not in need of transformation. It is a pure expression of life, in and of itself, exactly as it is. Its value is not in its transcendence, but in its full-spectrum embrace.
Photographer unknown, the harvest bounty of the Colorado autumn
My latest book – The Path Is Everywhere: Uncovering the Jewels Hidden Within You – is now available
The next book, The Unfolding Heart, will be published by Sounds True in early 2020, details to come
The next event is The Healing Shame Retreat: Spiritual Awakening and Transforming the Core Wound of Unworthiness, April 24-29, 2019 at Sunrise Ranch in Loveland, Colorado, with co-facilitator Jeff Foster
