Tuesday, September 30, 2014

You are right on track

There will be times, as a sensitive human being, when you are greeted by a coloring of disconnection; waves of sadness, despair, loneliness, confusion, and uncertainty are washing in to your raw, tender nervous system. 

Others are not seeing you as you are. The world is not holding and supporting you. All the old dreams – about love, about intimacy, about your "life purpose" – it's all falling away, dissolving into vast, empty space. You are right on track. 

Will you meet the disconnected one? Will you hold the sad one? Provide sanctuary for the confused one? Enter into intimate communion with the uncertain one? For these ones, too, are grace, come in disguise to show you something about the uncompromising and unrelenting nature of love. Please do not abandon these ones – sending them off as orphans of the heart, into a lonely desert. 

Trust, friend, in the surging intelligence of your somatic-emotional world, exactly as it is arising now. While it may seem that your experience is working against you, please pause and see. The path is everywhere. The beloved has never left your side and will never do so. She will only continue to appear as path, in sweet, fierce, peaceful, and wrathful forms, until your heart and your body are set on fire with her activity. 

Monday, September 29, 2014

Behold the jewels buried in the luminous soil of the darkness

Go out into the natural world, get near some water, breathe deeply, and allow everything that is less than whole to dissolve into pure presence. Let go of the ancient belief that you must hold it all together, that you must figure something out, and that you must change, transform, or "heal" your present, embodied experience.

The story is unyielding, the questions are relentless, and there is that familiar sense of urgency – you must find answers, some resolution, and a landing place to get away from the burning. It feels as if your very survival is dependent upon it.

You are on fire to locate a reference point from which you can make sense of the archaic journey of death and rebirth you have found yourself in. It feels urgent, but the burning is purifying. Let it wash your organs and cleanse your cells, as it reveals wholeness and unfolds primordial integration within you.

Practice radical self-kindness, water the fires with intimate self-care. Stay close. Nothing has gone wrong. You are in the arms of the beloved and being re-wired by her emissaries of integration. Trust. Rest.

If you disavow and split away from death and push into rebirth prematurely, you will never know the richness and the jewels buried in the luminous soil of the darkness. 

Artist unknown

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Weaving the golden path of integration

While the transformative fires of love may never feel safe, it is only through tender kindness to your immediate experience that you will know the mysteries of lover and beloved, broken and whole, and separation and union. You can slow down. There is no urgency. You need not answer any questions, scramble back to clarity, or resolve anything... for now.

There is so much intelligence moving within you. You are okay. Nothing is wrong and nothing need be fixed. Allow this holding to wash through your nervous system and open to the truth of what you are. While at times you may not *feel* safe, you always are safe, safe to fully be what you are.

Rest inside the golden path that is opening inside your heart, right here and right now. Stay embodied to your vulnerability as it is appearing as your feelings, your emotions, and the aliveness of sensation within you. Stay close.

Please provide a home for your longing so that it may weave a path of integration inside you. Honor the ache that has been placed within, for it is purifying you, cell by cell by cell; allow it to wash your heart. While it is true that opening to love may never offer certainty and ground, it is only by way of the unknown that you will be brought alive by the beloved one.
For it is out of this aliveness that you will finally offer your wild uniqueness to beings everywhere. And even the sun, the moon, and the stars will bow down in reverence to that.

Saturday, September 27, 2014

A refugee of love

At times we are called into the core of the transformative fires of love, yet we know that something will be lost there. We want love to give us something, but we already *are* everything. This is the secret gift of the beloved, that he or she has nothing to "give" you. But are you ready to risk the loss of the known, of all those ways you've come to see yourself, and want and to see yourself in the future? Are you ready to watch the ground fall out underneath all of your identities – the spiritual one, the unlovable one, the special one, the one who will accomplish great things, the lonely one, the happy one, the trusting one, the one who is growing and changing, the surrendered one, the hopeless one, and the hopeful one? 

What if love is coming raging into your world to show you that you were no one? Would you meet this? Or would you turn quickly away, scrambling into a new identity, urgently recreating the one who needs to be seen as this or that, as the one who has come to save the world, to be beheld as special, as a "healer," as an awakened one, as a savior, as a leader of souls, as one who has it all figured out, as one who has "mastered" life? As one who has it all together. 

The risk here is that you will end up a refugee, homeless in love, without any hope that you will ever resolve or come to terms with the wild, creative movement of the beloved in your life. Fortunately, it was never this certainty or this ground that you were really after anyway. Open to the longing to return home, to rest in your true nature, as no one. Give everything to know the fragrance of this archaic homesickness, to be that vessel in which pure, tender, non-special love may come like a wildfire into this world, erupting through your body and your heart, leaving nothing but ashes of grace in its wake. 

Friday, September 26, 2014

Love as the ultimate holding environment

One of the greatest gifts we can offer ourselves and others is a holding environment in which we can come to rest in unstructured states of presence. For Winnicott, any effective holding environment is made up of two qualities: contact and space. 

When we are in actual contact with our lived, embodied reality – as it arises in the here and now – we become vehicles of love in action. We are willing to make the commitment to stay close to the movement of feeling and sensation within us and to no longer abandon ourselves and our experience. To the degree we can offer this gift of love to ourselves, we will naturally do so for others. 

Let us move together into that alchemical middle place of intimate exploration, holding, and transmutation – willing  to take the risk that embodied vulnerability will always ask of us, willing to fully participate in our own and another's experience, and to no longer postpone this miracle life that we've been given.  May we make intimate contact with our own hearts – and those of others – in the tender here and now, no longer holding back, giving everything to know love. For now is the only time. 

Simultaneously, we can offer ourselves and others the wild gift of pure space, allowing experience to unfold and dance without our interference or habitual need to interpret, change, transform, or heal it. We can come to see that it is fine on its own, actually, radically intelligent and creative, and a movement of the unknown. Everything is okay. You are okay, as you are, now – your feelings are not mistakes which need to be corrected or healed by psychological or spiritual process. 

Space is not something you will find one day through frenetic seeking and path work; for it is what you are – that vast, translucent capacity to hold and illuminate whatever arises. 

Let us meet ourselves and others in this radical embrace of contact and space, willing to get intimate, messy, vulnerable, naked, and exposed; while at the same time not fusing or overly identifying with what appears in the unfolding here and now. Let us return, together, to the alchemical middle. And in this way provide a true holding environment for ourselves and others to come to know kindness as the only organizing principle of this special star we have found ourselves in. 

And as we rest together in this holding field, we come to behold how luminous, shimmering, and precious it really is. For it is not crafted out of any ordinary substance, but is weaved out of particles of love.