In close relationships there may always be ruptures which arise in the field of lovers and friends. When we take the risk of allowing another to matter to us, a call is sent out to the lost orphans, an invitation to return home.
Relationship has an uncanny ability to illuminate aspects of ourselves we have lost touch with –emissaries of our unlived lives. As wisdom-guides, they reveal images, memories, feelings, and potentialities of being abandoned by the Other; or of being overwhelmed and unconsciously fused with them.
It's understandable that we feel shaky and hesitant about the whole thing. Is it going to be worth it? To lay naked before the Other in this way.
This “Other” is not only other people we meet but takes form as an “inner other” as well, who also longs to be known, held, and to be a part of the love story of our lives.
The link between the inner and outer other is of the mystery. We may notice that we attract and are attracted to those who manifest qualities that we’ve disowned in ourselves, pieces of soul who are longing to find us.
Shards of unlived joy, unmetabolized rage, repressed grief. The barely remembered peace, the dissociated sadness, the forgotten beauty.
At times, taking up residence in our organs and muscles, cell tissue, and patterns of breathing; or as figures in our dreams. They never give up. Even presenting at times as the ones who irritate us the most.
The invitation of the beloved, in whatever form it emerges, is to step fully into the crucible of relationship where we no longer limit the mystery of love’s expression, resisting the temptation to have the fires of love conform to our requirements.
And to open to the reality that the purpose of relationship is not always to provide feelings of safety, certainty, connection, and validation. But, at times, something much more vast and creative.
As we reunite with these ones and allow them safe passage, we remove the burden from the outer other to take care of this sacred work for us, which was never theirs alone to carry. They are then able to return this task to us, as the ultimate act of love, as they stand by our side while we tend to it.
It may then be safe enough for us to come closer.
