Thursday, May 19, 2016
Even as the colors, the trees, and the deer...
While it is intimacy that we long for so deeply, it can be terrifying to allow in the implications of living in this way. This fear is not some sort of error or mistake which must be corrected by spiritual process, but is natural, ordinary, and a reflection of how alive you are… and of the risk that staying open to your vulnerability will always require.
As an embodied, sensitive human being, it’s probably wise to count on this fear, this hesitancy, this shakiness, and this uncertainty to be your companions, off and on, for the rest of your life. As important members of your inner family, they are not obstacles to overcome, but alive, full-spectrum energies for you to explore and integrate. They are continuously shape-shifting and taking form as your perception, your emotions, your feelings, and your sensations – even as the colors, the trees, the deer, and the others in your life.
The work, then, is not to see how quickly you can convert the fear to courage, the uncertainty to certainty, or the unknown into the known. Or to see how fast you can cover over your vulnerability or “heal” your sensitivity, or to abandon the groundlessness for some sort of resolved state where only the feelings you like are present. For the freedom you are longing for will never be found by means of this project of conversion.
Rather, this freedom – and aliveness – is already here, is uncaused, and is waiting for you in the unconditional commitment to fully participating in the truth of your experience as it is, whether it conforms to your hopes, fears, and preferences, or not. The movement of love is untamed and wildly creative – spinning out of the unknown – and is never going to conform to the way we thought it would be.
In this, you may discover that in the willingness to turn toward your fear and your vulnerability, to enter inside it, and to hold that scared little girl (or boy) that is in there... to finally listen to her and provide her sanctuary, and to not abandon him... that there is nothing more intimate than this. Surround this one with your heart and see if there is any intimacy missing from your life.
Art by Francesca Profili