Wednesday, April 20, 2016

The cosmic exhaustion of becoming

You’ve been on such a long journey… so many moments of turning from your raw vulnerability, in the hopes of becoming something different. Someone who fits in to a crazy world, who can be seen for the eruption of creativity that you are, no longer needing to pretend and hold back, even for another moment.

You sense a miracle is unfolding here and yet it somehow it seems out of reach. You feel the veil parting, but the aliveness, the intimacy, the connection… somehow it remains hidden. How much more surrender could possibly be needed?

Tossed by the core belief that you are not enough – that there is something wrong with you – you have become exhausted. This is not just a physical tiredness, though, but a cosmic sort of weariness… you are so tired of becoming.

In this moment, which is the only moment that is ever here, you can give yourself the gift of primordial rest. For this is the greatest act of self-love. Lay your hand on your heart. Replace the urgency of becoming with a moment of pure being. Create an inner temple in which your emotions, your sensations, and the longings of your heart can be held in sanctuary and provided safe passage.

No one can tell you the nature of this rest and what it means for you. But it is wired within your neural circuitry, and is longing to emerge and erupt by way of new pathways of inner attunement, care, and presence.

As the exhausted one, the disappointed one, the unworthy one, and the abandoned one appear, they do so as secret emissaries of wholeness. Please do not send them away into an empty, deserted forest within you. In ways a crazy world may never understand, they are seeking your holding and your warmth, to be metabolized and re-integrated into hidden places within you. For they carry a sacred light that is unique to them.

It is only you who can take care of this tender, raw, ragingly beautiful and broken and naked heart. There are forms of aliveness all around you now, longing to take form in a weary star. They are coming out of the unseen world to remind you of something you may have forgotten.

Photographer unknown


  1. Wow - speaks to exactly where I am at the moment - "tired of becoming" - or *trying* to become - "enlightened", "liberated" - free, etc. When really what I long for is the Primordial Rest that you speak of - "sabbatical" in the Inner Sanctuary, being nurtured by that Rest... Thank you...

  2. Oh I needed these words today! I am feeling like there is a futility in becoming. I live in a world where I want to blossom into the whole of me and show that on the outside not just the inside. But I don't feel I have the people around me for that creativity and connection to blossom in. I have lived my life curled up and hidden within a healthy seeming and a calm smile on my face that concealed so much of my inner thoughts and feelings. Now that I want to explode into being there doesn't seem to be much point in doing that when no one, not even my therapist, seems to understand how I feel. I feel like I am trapped by the barriers thrown up in childhood to deal with a harsh world lacking in empathy and healthy expressions of love and emotion. Inside I am weary and angry today but I know it will pass and I will again find that place inside me where self love will take all of this in and hold that wounded child until she unfolds. I have always tried to live my life with others with grace and to not throw emotions around but today those emotions want to scream and rant at the unfairness of it all and why should I be the one to have to act with grace. Let it go and sink into that inner embrace of unconditional love.

  3. Truly appreciate this reminder. Such a poignant moment when we learn to love those uncomfortable voices that need to be included in the spaciousness of being. Accept them with loving presence, and help the psyche not get exhausted from trying so hard to become something instead of resting more deeply into who we already are.