Monday, April 11, 2016

Invitations of integration

When you are triggered and your emotional world is on fire, behold the ancient pathways of fight and flight as they appear. In the face of a dysregulating narrative, anxious feelings, and activating sensations, memories of an earlier time are brought alive within you.

While it may seem otherwise, you no longer need to deny or flee from what is here, nor to urgently act it out in the hope of finding relief. In a moment of radical attunement and self-love, you can contain and hold what is appearing, and meet it with your presence. And in the thundering silence of the here and now, you can chart a new course.

Perhaps your immediate experience – the heartbreak, the joy, the loneliness, the shakiness – has not come in order to be ‘healed,’ but to be held. And that it was never in fact ‘unhealed,’ but has always been alive and whole.

It is an alchemical art to learn to rest your awareness inside the dysregulating thoughts, emotions, and sensations as they appear in moments of activation. And to discover that your freedom is not dependent upon their eradication or transformation. Rather, that the aliveness, the connection, and the intimacy that you long for will be found in the very center of that which is here now.

Slow way down and open into the life that is flowing through you. Place your awareness into the core of the tenderness and breathe with it. Oxygenate it not only with the clarity of an outside witness, but by way of intimacy, flooding it with the heart-qualities of kindness, compassion, and warmth.

No matter what is happening in your life right now, you can have the intention to provide a holding space for the unmet and abandoned children within you. These ones are arising not as some error or obstacle, or as evidence that something has gone wrong. But have come as invitations of integration, and as emissaries of wholeness.

Just as you are only ever longing for your own presence, these ones are only longing to be re-parented and allowed to return Home once again, as new forms of love and creativity within you.

Art by Lyse Marion


  1. My goodness...struggling this morning. Thought I would just clean out some of my email that is out of control and something compelled me to open this particular posting of yours. Your writing almost always moves me. This one really did it. Tears streaming as I read this. Trying to stay present to the emotional upheaval happening right now - on the heels of my anger, my reactivity, my impatience. All leading to intense shame and disappointment - so painful to stay present to this!! Heartbreak - yes. Shame - yes. Regret - yes. Loneliness - yes. Self-hatred - yes. The instinct to run from all of this!! But there is no where to go to get away. The only temporary refuge has been sleep. And then it happens all over again in the presence of another trigger. Back to the helpless experience of dysregulation.

    I wish I could do what you suggest in this posting. Feels much beyond my own capacity. To be so loving, caring, soft, tender towards the experience. "It is an alchemical art to learn to rest your awareness inside the dysregulating thoughts, emotions, and sensations as they appear in moments of activation." How to learn this art? At my age I'm becoming more convinced that this work is beyond me. My nervous system is so sensitive, so reactive, in hyperalert mode that I've become less and less capable to just get through the typical activities and responsibilities of a normal day. And so I weep and cry and rage over what seems like a life that has been lost...and wasted.

    I apologize. Too much said. Keep on sharing your wonderful, and heartfelt writing. I don't know how you do it. Your heart must be bursting with love.


  2. Ohhhh boy. I needed to hear this right this minute. What a beautiful notion: I don't need to fix myself, nor understand anything, but just be.
    Thank you, thank you, thank you for this beautiful, true reminder.