Monday, January 25, 2016

Relationship and the illlumination of the unlived life

While there are many valid reasons for being in relationship, it is possible to use the inherent provocation of intimacy to come closer to ourselves, if that is in fact what we want. It is okay if we want something else.

But if we do choose the crucible of intimacy as one of the greatest illuminators of our unlived lives, we can count on our partners to continuously remind us of what remains unresolved within. Of that which is longing to come out of the shadows and into the warmth of awareness. This reminder can be excruciating.

From this perspective, the promise of intimacy is freedom and wholeness, not a life where there is no negativity, conflict, or vulnerability. There is no promise of ‘high vibrations,’ unending joy, continuous connection, and safe respite from a weary world. In this crucible everything that has been abandoned lies in wait, yearning for holding and integration.

As we remove the burden from the ‘other’ to take care of that which we have disowned in ourselves, we plant the seeds of a new heart. For to return this task to us is the wildest, most tender, most devastating act of love that they could offer.