Thursday, October 23, 2014

The achy, tender, very alive journey of intimacy-yoga

The achy, tender, very alive journey of intimacy-yoga provides such a unique, excruciating, and most precious opportunity to turn toward and offer a home within you for everything that up to this point has yet to be resolved or metabolized in your heart, your nervous system, your neural net, and the miracle human body you've been given. Whether you’re in a relationship, moving out of one, or are aware of a deep longing for an partner to share your world with, the activity of the beloved is always present, appearing in your life as the archetypal play of separation and union, broken and whole, and one and many. 

Yes, this love that you long for involves tremendous risk, requires at times an unbearable sort of exposure, and the willingness to move into some really shaky, vulnerable, uncertain, and groundless territory. For the beloved is the representative of the unknown in this special world of time and space.

When you truly allow another to matter to you (given our early histories, this of course is much easier said than done), a secret chamber is unlocked and opened within, and a new path is unveiled and illuminated. How can we possibly sit in the raging furnace that is intimacy knowing that our hopes, fears, fantasies, anxieties, and confusion may never be resolved, may never be all wrapped up into some clean and tidy package that we can rest in, never to feel vulnerable again?

The invitation of the beloved, in all of his or her manifestations, is to step fully into the alchemical crucible of relationship where we do not limit the mystery of love’s expression, resisting the temptation to have the fires of love conform to our endless requirements. And to open to the reality that perhaps the purpose of love and intimacy is not to provide endless feelings of safety, surety, certainty, and the meeting of our list of "needs." But rather to introduce us to the wild creative terrain of the unknown, and the vast, warm openness of our true nature.

Perhaps there will always be surges of grief, sadness, fear, anger, jealousy, shame, and irritation that arise in the intersubjective field of lovers. Let us meet each of these archaic friends with loving awareness, seeing that each is a portal into the sweet and fierce mandala of the beloved and his or her transformative world. And make the commitment to befriending whatever arises in our immediate somatic experience, no matter how disturbing, joyful, irritating, or intense.

Though we may never know the actual route or destination – and though the beloved may always and forever continue to invite us into the deep, dark recesses of our own heart, without any promise of resolution or solidity—let us somehow stay close, tenderly hold the hand of our lovers and take this journey together. For it is so precious. Above all, please be kind to yourself and your partners if you truly decide to take up the yoga of intimacy, knowing that it will take everything you have to navigate; and in return offers nothing, from a certain perspective, except everything your heart has ever wanted.