Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Shelter for the unwanted

Where? Where is the Friend? Where oh where is the Beloved? There is such a longing for deep intimacy with another. I want to share my burning, you call out! You are ready to unlock the sacred vessel and swim into eternity in the ocean of your heart—and another’s—entering that place where they have always been one in union.

In response to this most primordial cry, sadness rushes onto the scene: but when will you become intimate with me? Loneliness is next; yes, me, too! Anger, despair, grief, confusion, and shame—they all line up for just one moment of your loving presence. These ones are also seeking union and the light of your holding and awareness.

Friend, there is always something within you asking to be met. What is that for you now? And will you let this one in, out of the cold, and into the warmth of your one wild heart? Will you make an unconditional commitment to no longer abandon these sacred movements within you? And turn toward them to discover the unique translucence that they offer? 

To the degree you are intimate with the unwanted within, it is to this degree that you are able to be intimate with another. If you have not provided shelter for the darkness inside you, how will you ever hold the darkness of the Beloved?

1 comment:

  1. Hi Matt, love the space you are creating. my current inward looking is around my stalling in the career path. after many years of education and training and many years of working I, through a layoff and funding (research) issues, stopped working. I tried for several positions that I did not get and eventually stopped looking altogether. in the subsequent years (it was 2 years in Feb) my partner and I were able to handle the limited income through careful use of resources and I was able to grow a garden and do canning, attend to some serious family health issues (12 hours away), take on crochet projects, and begin volunteering for a non-profit organization. But, I am struggling now with a sense of failure and inadequacy - I am embarrassed to say I do not work (can't even say I am raising children). I was so proud of my education and the work I'd done that it was a huge part of who I considered myself to be. I had gotten great satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment from working with others, creating great things and the difference that our work could and did make in the world. Now I feel lazy, like I am wasting time and space. Although I have enjoyed my time away from the working world, I feel it is a failure; I miss that sense of accomplishment and feeling that I was making a valuable contribution to society, which I found with my career. Yet, I am uncertain how to move forward - although things inspire me I seem unable to follow-up … and I am uncertain why. I do not necessarily want a whole career again, but I miss the contribution I was making when I was an important part of something bigger making a difference in the world. I miss feeling a sense of accomplishment and worth. I feel that the inability to be with these feelings of inadequacy is keeping me from seeing and taking the steps forward in this area. Do I just not want to take that on anymore and if that is so how do I find my value without it?