Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Touching empty space

At times you feel lost, unsure about why you have come here, but knowing that something new is being birthed within you. At times life is so sweet; there is a flow to things that breaks your heart in its preciousness. But at other times, the confusion has returned, sorrow has come out of nowhere, and you feel so lonely. Why am I here again? What does love want from me?

You are looking for a solid reference point because the groundlessness of empty space is too vast, too uncertain, too pregnant, and too vulnerable. You know that within this acausal, ahistorical, non-personal erupting field of love that there will no longer be any support for personal identity as you have known it. If you give everything to love, you fear that “you” will simply not survive, that you will not come out the other side. This fear is intelligent, for there is no other side. There is only love. But it is not the love that the mind knows. It has come to facilitate the end of your world, and the beginning of its world in you.

It is terrifying here, and can be extremely disorienting. At the same time it is so compelling, it is thrilling, for you are touching your wholeness for the first time. You are  seeing that it really is love that is the essence of this world, and that your life has always been on your side. Without this intelligence and this creativity, the stars would be falling out of the sky. As you truly let this in and allow its implications to wash through you, you find yourself spinning in a cosmic, divine sort of disorientation. 

And then you’ve found it: the most enlightened teacher, the most advanced teaching, the most powerful state of consciousness, the deepest cosmic insights, the most earth-shattering lover. You have the experiences that are described and the “shifts” that are promised; you’ve gotten all the concepts down; you’ve made it. The only problem is that in the very next moment love is there to meet you, and it has come to destroy. Its destruction is unfolded into this reality as a raging, out of control grace – untamed, unknown, unbearably creative, fierce, and exploding with the messy, gooey, sticky, uncompromising, unyielding qualities of transformation.

Friends, it can feel that you are lost, but in the core of this feeling of “lost” is the revelation that what you are has never been lost and need never be found. You are the majestic love-space in which lost and found come and go. You see so clearly that love is not something that you can get more of, or that can be taken away from you. For love is what you are.