Saturday, August 10, 2013

Love is alive

In my experience, the journey of healing is in large part a somatic one. In the face of intense sensory and emotional experience – in the womb, as babies, and as young children – we were simply unable to metabolize overwhelming somatic-emotional material which threatened the integrity of our developing bodies, nervous systems, and precious little hearts. We wanted and needed to stay safe, to maintain some sense of cohesion and integrity, while at the same time somehow staying connected to those around us. One of the quickest ways to protect ourselves was to dis-embody, to leave the world of immediate sensory experience, and to dissociate from feelings and emotions that we knew from experience were simply not safe. 
From the perspective of a young child, it was intelligent to disembody and split off from feelings and sensations which we could not process. Grace has appeared again, this time in the form of defensive strategies, to provide the illumination which was needed for the next phase of your journey. It is very common for spiritually-oriented people to shame themselves when they become aware of these strategies; becoming aggressive toward themselves and their experience, concluding that these defenses are evidence that they are damaged in some fundamental way; that they are unlovable, unspiritual, and less-than-whole. But doing what you had to do to care for yourselves is evidence of none of these things. 

But, alas, here we are, as adults, and love is calling. We want love to feel safe, but it was never designed to provide that. Love is alive, and it has come to show you the entirety of what you are, and is taking shape as the cells of your very own heart, as the stands of your very own DNA, and as the synapses in your very own nervous system. If you look very carefully, with tremendous kindness and self-compassion, you can see the ways that you are still maintaining these once very necessary strategies, moment by moment, in present time. You can see your very specific strategies to protect yourself from the breaking of your heart, from the fires of intimacy, and to avoid falling apart at all cost. But love is here, and is alive, and reminds you that you were never “together” to begin with. 

Love is inviting you in each moment to re-embody, to invite in those feelings, sensations, and emotions you have organized your lives around not feeling. You are being called to something new, something unbearably creative, something outrageously alive. Love is here, now, and it is pouring out of the ground, out of the sky, out of the cells of your body, out of the field between you and every person you come in contact with. It is opening up new pathways inside and around you, and has come to herald a new world. It has come in disguise as your most scary places, as every unsafe feeling, and as your loneliness, grief, and sadness. It is taking shape in this very moment as your entire sensory world, so that through each and every crack in your heart it may pour through as the most radiant, transforming light. Whenever you feel the slightest longing in your heart, know that love is alive.