Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Entering the non-conceptual world
For many of us, there is a particular constellation of feelings we simply do not want to feel. Whether it’s shame, loneliness, dependency, anger, terror of intimacy, or a sense that we’re unlovable as we are, we will do anything to avoid a direct confrontation. Moving toward these energies just brings up too much panic, as if our actual survival is at risk. For those on a spiritual path, these ways of avoidance may have become very subtle and often remain outside conscious awareness; but even our most advanced spiritual beliefs and practices can and often are used to buffer us from our core vulnerabilities.
Look carefully. These feeling are your gurus, for they are your direct path home.
Underneath the narrative of your life, just below the grand storyline, even beneath the colorful emotional landscape, there exists a rich, mysterious world of sensations – a somatically-organized field of intelligence, creativity, and aliveness. But there is no support here for personal identity; there are no “problems” here; here, there is no evidence of your great awakening; there is only an untamed fire of presence. In any moment, you can enter this field and come to see in a very direct way that whatever arises in your immediate embodied experience – whatever thought, feeling, emotion, image, fear, or longing – no matter how seemingly disturbing – is ultimately and immediately workable. In fact, at this dimension of being, every experience is seen to be utterly empty (of concept) and full (of luminosity-awareness).
Descending into the body, into this wide open, empty space can seem terrifying, but things are not always as they seem. At the sensation level of experience, you are presented with an entryway into the freedom, love, and vastness that you are. And it is out of this alive space that flow the qualities of kindness, compassion, attunement, and presence. It can be scary here, yes, because in this field of open awareness there is no support for personal, egoic process; there is no “known” here, for it is a non-conceptual environment; you will never find some “awakened” me here or a life of invulnerability or a resolved reality where the heart will never break. But you may come to see that you never really wanted these things anyway; you are being called to something much more vast, alive, and creative.
Here, you will only find you, as you are, and the unique arrangement of love and awareness that have come together to assemble your one, wild, unprecedented life; there is nothing like it and never will be again. Love is calling you to know yourself, finally, all the way through, because there is none other like you and never will be. This may be your only chance.