Friday, February 8, 2013
Fragments of love…
Many of you have shared lately about the difficulties you’ve been having on the journey, of the profound challenges you’re facing in your intimate relationships, in your work, in your health, and in your desire to find genuine meaning and authenticity in your lives. We often forget that the process of awakening is counter-instinctual and may never actually feel good. We forget that our repressive capacities were put in place to protect us from overwhelm, from early environments of misattunement, and from wondering at the deepest somatic levels if we are truly lovable as we are. Opening to this, we might come to see that our neurosis in all its forms – our strategies, our fears of intimacy, our need to be seen, all of those less-than-awakened ways we move in the world – that these might actually be the expression of a radical intelligence and creativity, a special kind of grace actually, which was given from beyond to ensure the development and survival of your one most precious and unique heart, brain, and nervous system.
Maybe this sadness, this shame, this grief, this fear, this terror of intimacy, these ways of organizing and making meaning of our experience have been provided to us by an intelligence that we’ll never understand, as healing guides to bless us and show us the way home. We have come to see that even though at one time these strategies were quite necessary, that now they are a bit out of date. But rather than raging war on these old friends – with all of our spiritual tools, techniques, and superegoic aggression – let us somehow find a way to be tremendously kind and compassionate to ourselves as we embark upon the path, appreciating the grace as it unfolds for us according to the uniqueness that is each human heart. When we set aside our defensive organization and embark upon the path of love, we intuitively know that we will have to feel each and every feeling that we have been avoiding. We know that we will no longer be able to hide. We know that even our spiritualities and our fables of awakening will not protect us from a direct encounter with the unbearable, raging fires of love. We know we will need extra grace. We fall to our knees, touch this precious earth, and call for help, each in our own unique ways.
This heart, these eyes, these hands, this entire somatic reality – these are true miracles. They have been assembled cell by cell by the same master architect who created the planets, the galaxies, the oceans, and the sweet sun as it rises. This entire human experience was created out of fragments of love, and out of the dripping stardust of grace as it pours throughout the morning sky, showering this sweetest of ever planets with utter unbearable sacredness.