Saturday, January 26, 2013

Love is unresolvable

It is so natural to look to our intimate relationships – as well as to the spiritual journey itself – to make us feel better. There is a deeply rooted belief that if we’re in the right relationship or if we’re progressing along the spiritual path that certain feelings will be there and others will not. But is this the actual purpose of intimacy, or of spirituality? When we liberate both our spiritualities and our relationships from the burden we have put on them to produce certain feelings and to remove others, then what? If we no longer organize our lives around feeling certain feelings and avoiding others, then where are we? If we set aside once and for all our habitual desire to be having some experience other than the one we’re having right now, where are we? 

It requires a willingness to be excruciatingly vulnerable, utterly naked, and unbearably exposed to plunge heart-first into the luminous, unresolvable, groundless dimension of love. We’re asked to take a risk like no other, knowing these precious hearts could break open into eternity, asked to no longer take refuge in any idea or concept to tell us who we are or what this life is. Life is too precious, we’re too mysterious to know this. We discover there are no landing places, no safe places to hide out from love’s purifying flames, for love wants everything for you. As we step outside of constructing a life around having certain feelings and experiences and not having others, we come to see that things are completely, utterly, and totally out of control, spinning and twirling and weaving strands of love.  

We want so badly to know what’s going on, to understand why our lives are the way they are, and most importantly when they will be different. We want to find that solid ground, certainty, and resolution to the struggles we’re experiencing in relationships, with our families, in our work lives, in our spirituality. We think that we want to resolve once and for all the ways of love, but we don’t want to give up anything to get there. When the bottom falls out from underneath this life, we see so clearly that there was never any bottom there at all; when by some grace we’re able to allow ourselves to completely and totally fall apart, an intelligence is revealed; a creative life-giving support system of grace that is beyond this world. This new view though offers none of the previous illusions of safety, and can be so terrifying that most of us run back into the safe and known ways of organizing our experience, to avoid the uncertainty of this open-ended vast space of love. We’re just not quite sure we’re ready. But that excuse is starting to feel a bit flimsy. What I’m hearing from so many of you is that you are ready; right here, right, on this day, to let love have you. 

Love is the substance of every appearance in this Universe, and will never ever be resolvable or organizable. Its light is too bright. In one never-to-be-repeated moment, inside the center of your vulnerable breaking heart, that love which holds the stars, planets, sun, and moon in the sky is revealed, that same love that holds you at all times, offering support, guidance, and opportunities that are completely beyond your wildest imagination. And then somehow everything has shifted… this life is no longer about getting to love, resolving our struggles, understanding our lives, being free from conflict or anxiety or shame or fear or sadness, or even accepting the way things are…rather, it becomes rooted in a fiery curiosity, an unprotected opening, and an unbearable surrender to how love is going to express itself through this unique, sacred, and precious body, in this world of time and space, through this messy gummy gooey sacred vehicle that is this sensual human reality.

Somehow, by some raging grace, we find that we are no longer searching for ways to feel better – in acquisitive-oriented spiritualities or in our intimate relationships; organizing our lives in this way has lost its meaning. Our lives are no longer riveted to how to get more for me - more experiences, more love, more intimacy, more sweetness, more bliss, more of the right spiritual feelings, and less of the yucky sticky groundless uncertainty of this precious human life. Rather, by some grace this life becomes taken over by, exploding out of an immense gratefulness and wonderment around how love will choose to move through us, scattering its sweet essence in the four directions.