We become convinced that it is our partner who is causing us to feel the way we do: They don’t listen, they just don't get us, they don’t really understand who we are at the deepest levels, they’re never there when we really need them, they just won’t open up, they won’t do the work. And of course there is likely some relative truth in these things. But we might also be able to see that just by being in relationship – that by exposing our hearts in this way – that we will be forced to feel feelings that we really don’t want to feel. We know that if we give everything for love we *will* come face-to-face with survival-level panic and anxiety. *Everything* that is unresolved within us: all of the unmetabolized fear, all the shame, all of the ways we believe we are deeply unlovable, each and every vulnerability – all of this is waiting right there to meet us, to befriend us, to offer us something precious.
It’s not so much that our partner is doing something to us, but rather when we open ourselves to love and its movement, we run right into all of those previously unmet feelings, exploding out of the unconscious, reaching for the light of day, pouring out as grace to show us something very important about the nature of love. Right in the center of the anxiety, the fear, the unmet hope, the unfulfilled dreams, the excruciating vulnerability – is the doorway home. Will we walk through?
Let us all love those we’re in relationship with, including ourselves, by committing to taking love’s journey with them, knowing nothing about the route or the destination. Let us be kind to ourselves and our partners if we decide to truly take up the yoga of intimacy, knowing that it will take everything we have and are to navigate, as it offers fruits beyond this world.