Saturday, August 4, 2012

Some grace that moves through us


There is some grace that moves through us where we find ourselves no longer concerned, on any level, about any sort of second-hand, conditioned, pre-packaged, pre-programmed “spiritual” experience, nor any interest in finding our way to some fabulous “very high” state of consciousness. The movement toward the “divine,” to the absolute, or to any future constructed reality has somehow fallen away. In its wake, all that remains is an excruciating willingness to commit fully to this body, these senses, this raw pulsing heart, these people in my life, and to being a vessel through which that grace can pour out into this world. 

It is a commitment to somehow deeply allow *this* life and everyone in it to profoundly matter. Totally unguarded and unprotected, no longer willing to hide behind our “spirituality” or inside our shielded cocoons, and willing to lose everything. 

No more interest in transcending anything, or in some new “divine” reality somewhere else, arriving in 2012 or constructed around any other hope, fear, or fantasy rooted in me and my specialness, or in our unmet pain or arising out of the denial of death. Only interested in right here, right now, forever committed to staying vulnerable and remaining broken-open in each and every moment, hopelessly devoted to the utter nakedness of the radically exposed heart; and unswervingly dedicated to the miracle of love as it pours through this precious reality, as it is, here, now. No more dishonoring of *this* reality and of the gift of grace that is being given *right now* in the form of *these* experiences, these thoughts, these feelings, these sensations, for each is only a gift of love in motion. Fully human, embracing the unbearable risk of intimacy and relatedness, watching the habitual pull toward some other “state” or “divine” experience incinerated once and for all in love’s raging flames. And then noticing what remains… the most tender knowing that the heart will surely shatter, over and over and over and over and over, with no hope or desire of it ever remaining intact again. 


2 comments:

  1. OMG Matt! First of all I love the this post and I LOVE this rose!!! :-)I wish I could articulate as authentically as you. I feel as though you are inside my heart expressing what my relatively recent experience has been. After many years on this "spiritual" journey, by Grace, I am no longer searching, nor longing desperately for a better , or higher or more profoundly altered state, other than the one I am in right here and right now, whether it is one of joy and bliss or one of pain and rawness. And I find myself in awe of this. I am not looking outside myself for "my answers" nor to attain someone else's idea of a very high state of consciousness. It use to be simply a mental construct that there is no where to get and nothing to do... somehow through Grace it has become my heart's "knowing". As a result it feels so freeing to be in acceptance as I open myself up to each and every moment...not needing to know the mystery. Not needing to "get to a different state of consciousness. How can we get to a different state of consciousness when we ARE consciousness itself in its purest essence????
    I cannot experience something other than what I am experiencing right at this given moment. I no longer need to be anyone or anything other than that which I came here to "be". I find myself wanting to stop everything I have been doing in an attempt to "get somewhere", and actually enjoy for the VERY FIRST time being human! I no longer need to talk the talk in the spiritual communities,,,,because truly the talks, the teachings, the practices, the rituals etc...are only the pointers. We have enough pointers out there. I simply want to affect others by my enjoying this human experience in whatever way I am moved to do so....in all of it flavors, and yes, embracing it all! And I no longer need to have whatever state I am experiencing, defined by myself or another. Nor do I need to be "declared" by anyone else that I am now in a particular state! Talk about chains being broken! I truly am free.

    " In its wake, all that remains is an excruciating willingness to commit fully to this body, these senses, this raw pulsing heart, these people in my life, and to being a vessel through which that grace can pour out into this world." These words say it all! Thanks again Matt for touching my soul!

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    1. Thank you, Suzanne, for opening and for sharing here. I'm so happy to hear what you are discovering... :) sending much love...

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