Tuesday, August 30, 2016
There is always an open doorway
We want to know so badly… how things will turn out, when we’ll be awakened, when our heart will no longer be at risk of breaking, when we'll be "healed," when the partner will come that will finally complete us, when we can finally step into life all the way. It is so easy for even our spiritual lives to become yet another expression of our own unmet emptiness, boredom, unmetabolized pain, undigested addictions, chronic self-aggression, and sense that we are ultimately unlovable as we are.
It is no “secret” that our culture is one of acquisitiveness – please, somehow, give me more. What is here now is most definitely not enough. I know there is some Divine glorious reality waiting for me, where angels are singing, harps are playing, perfect soul mates are appearing, groovy spiritual careers are presenting themselves, all of my dreams are manifesting abundantly, and above all I am experiencing only high, spiritual states of consciousness, safe from the unknown devastatingly creative activity of love, which is never, ever going to conform to our hopes, dreams, and fantasies. For that is its great gift to us.
In this way, even our spiritualities (as well as our intimate relationships) can become the receptacle (in often subtle and unconscious ways) to remedy these core feelings of unlove. But perhaps there is no “secret.” Perhaps the intimacy and the aliveness and the connection we seek will never be found through the activity of acquisition, through that mind that is forever spinning into some “new” and “high” state of consciousness.
Perhaps Life has no interest in us living up to some second-hand image, that it doesn’t want or need us to be “perfect” or “divine” or “awakened" or "healed." Or manifesting all the things we think we want that will fulfill us. And that it is only ever offering its invitation to fall heart-first into an immense field of not-knowing – not knowing how to live, not knowing how to forgive, not knowing how to accept, not knowing how to get awakened, not knowing how to "heal," and not knowing how resolve the ways of love. And in this not-knowing, life is there waiting for us, revealing its mysteries and its majesty.
I hear from so many of you how exhausted you are, so tired of chasing around some fantasy of a “spiritual” life that you were told was the right one by some teacher, author, or expert who has figured it out and come to some fundamental resolution to love and its untamed creative wildness. You are longing for rest. To rest in your true being, which is only ever found right here and right now, and in the very core of your commitment to stay radically embodied to your precious vulnerability, your miracle senses, and the vast creativity of the somatic-emotional world.
In the very center of your heart, there is always an open doorway. It has nothing to do with wiggling into some conditioned state of consciousness other than the pure one that is here now, or with seeking some mythical sustained transcendent experience, or with any sort of movement beyond this messy world of intimacy, confusing unresolvable love, and human vulnerability. It wants so badly for you to walk through, to meet for the first time this unbearable longing to go home, to behold for the first time the miracle of this precious human body, of *these* thoughts, of *these* feelings, of *these* passing states of consciousness, exactly as they have been given by an unseen, raging grace.
For in just one moment of caring enough – of somehow resisting the call to exit this experience for another – what you see is that it is all made of love, crafted out of the substance of love, all the way through, from the inside-out and outside-in. And no matter what the details, love has somehow configured itself as your unique life, and has offered itself as a gift… only forever waiting for you to enter inside and hold it, exactly as it is.
Photo credit - "Dream" - by Lizzy Gadd