Friday, July 22, 2016

A new way of self-kindness

It can be excruciatingly revealing to step back and see how much of your sacred life energy is put into complaining about others and about your life situation. Much of this occurs at very subtle levels, however if you have the intention and take the time to see, you can discover for yourself just how prevalent it might be. And from this awareness you can then make a conscious decision whether to continue to abandon yourself in this way, or make a commitment to a new kind of self-care.

When you become lost in the spell of complaint, you place yourself in the victim position of a child, which is one of the most aggressive stances you can take toward yourself. While it may seem you are creating an environment of safety, there is nothing as unsafe as placing the source of your emotional well-being outside you, into hands in which you have no control.

As you explore the actual, embodied implications of leaking your awareness and precious life energy in this way, you may even come to discover it as an act of self-violence. For when you place the burden upon another to take care of your emotional world for you, you abandon yourself, fall into a trance of self-absorption, and lose contact with your own natural wisdom and creativity.

Over the next few weeks, you might aspire to bring awareness to the ways you complain about your life and about others, and open to see how aggressive this truly is – not only to others, but especially to yourself. Each time you notice yourself sending your sacred life force into the activity of complaint, resentment, and blame, you could make the commitment to slow way down, to shift your attention back into the immediacy of the here and now, and ask:

What feeling am I trying to get out of in this moment? What underlying vulnerability am I not wanting to be in conscious relationship with? What am I seeking to avoid, through the activity of complaint, resentment, and blame?

As you reclaim experiential contact with that which you are moving away from, you could then ask, with kindness and with presence: Might there be a better, more skillful, and more compassionate way to care for myself in this moment? What if every time I became aware of the urge to complain, I used this as a mindfulness bell to return into present, embodied experience to see what is asking to be met and cared for?

By honoring yourself and others in this way, you create a sanctuary of kindness – an embodied temple of presence in which you can rest. It is from this sacred rest that you will remove the burden you have placed upon others to take care of your unlived life for you. You will then be free to be a clear vessel through which love can erupt here.

Art by iostephy c/o Shutterstock