Wednesday, April 20, 2016
The cosmic exhaustion of becoming
You’ve been on such a long journey… so many moments of turning from your raw vulnerability, in the hopes of becoming something different. Someone who fits in to a crazy world, who can be seen for the eruption of creativity that you are, no longer needing to pretend and hold back, even for another moment.
You sense a miracle is unfolding here and yet it somehow it seems out of reach. You feel the veil parting, but the aliveness, the intimacy, the connection… somehow it remains hidden. How much more surrender could possibly be needed?
Tossed by the core belief that you are not enough – that there is something wrong with you – you have become exhausted. This is not just a physical tiredness, though, but a cosmic sort of weariness… you are so tired of becoming.
In this moment, which is the only moment that is ever here, you can give yourself the gift of primordial rest. For this is the greatest act of self-love. Lay your hand on your heart. Replace the urgency of becoming with a moment of pure being. Create an inner temple in which your emotions, your sensations, and the longings of your heart can be held in sanctuary and provided safe passage.
No one can tell you the nature of this rest and what it means for you. But it is wired within your neural circuitry, and is longing to emerge and erupt by way of new pathways of inner attunement, care, and presence.
As the exhausted one, the disappointed one, the unworthy one, and the abandoned one appear, they do so as secret emissaries of wholeness. Please do not send them away into an empty, deserted forest within you. In ways a crazy world may never understand, they are seeking your holding and your warmth, to be metabolized and re-integrated into hidden places within you. For they carry a sacred light that is unique to them.
It is only you who can take care of this tender, raw, ragingly beautiful and broken and naked heart. There are forms of aliveness all around you now, longing to take form in a weary star. They are coming out of the unseen world to remind you of something you may have forgotten.