Tuesday, March 15, 2016

For it is these energies that will disentangle the fusion



Just because you ‘feel’ bad does not mean you ‘are’ bad. As a little one, we were developmentally incapable of having a feeling without concluding it is who we are. I ‘feel’ bad = I ‘am’ bad. Until the circuitry is untangled, this organization will remain alive in a tender brain and nervous system.

But you have capacities now you did not have then. A new pathway awaits you. It is forming around you right now, longing to come into being.

The next time you feel bad, slow way way down. Breathe deeply in and out of your lower belly. Look carefully and see how quickly this association gets made. I feel bad = I am bad. And how this is the birth of all suffering and struggle.

Feel how much space there is around your feelings. You need neither deny what is there, nor spin in the activity of fight or flight. Come into the holy middle and meet the feeling with your presence. Touch it and enter into communion. Come close, but not so close that you fuse and identify with it as who you are.

With your curiosity and with your courage – and with a lot of practice, for short periods of time many times each day – you can lay down a new pathway, one that is rooted in care, in compassion, and in spacious kindness. In the slowness of the here and now, you can infuse your feelings with empathy, validation, and attunement. For it is these energies that will disentangle the fusion.

Yes, a painful feeling has come. But you are not bad. You are the space in which all feelings come and go – in which they arise, whirl for a while, and dissolve. While you may not have much control over which feelings arrive in a sensitive nervous system, your freedom will be found in how you meet them. Close, but not too close. Intimate, but not fused. Resting in the sacred center.

Perhaps your feelings and emotions do not carry any information about your worth as a person. Just perhaps. Dare to allow the implications of this in and watch as a new world forms.