Saturday, November 28, 2015

Breaking the spell of unworthiness

As long as you remain tangled in the trance of unworthiness, you will inevitably postpone fully being here, and continue to place the burden of your unlived life on those around you. Look carefully and see how the orphaned pieces of your body, of your heart, and of your nervous system continue to appear as your partners, your family, your children, your friends, and even as the colors in an erupting autumn sunrise.

Even though you sense a miracle is unfolding, it will not be possible to embody it until the spell is broken. As a sensitive little one, you made meaning of a world devoid of attunement and mirroring by blaming yourself – by coming to believe that something was wrong with you, that you were flawed, and that you were not worthy of good contact and presence.

As painful as this was, it was a much safer organization than interpreting the caregiving field around you as limited and incapable of empathic resonance. While the trance once served an important adaptive function, the dream has remained alive within you and is longing for the light of your awareness. Like all harbingers of integration, the dream is aching to be unwound and integrated back into the vastness that you are.

As you slow down and cut into the ancient groove of fight-flight-freeze, you realize that you are here now. And that you have capacities that you once did not have. The invitation before you is to dare to see that you were never unhealed, that nothing is missing, and that by infusing your immediate experience with presence, with warmth, and with kindness that you can re-author the story of you.

You can go back into those very alive feelings, emotions, and sensations that the old narrative has protected you from, and see, finally, once and for all, if you still need to be protected from the raw, naked activity of life, of love, and what it truly means to be a sensitive, awake human being. Not after you ‘heal your past,’ not after you feel safe all the time, not after you replace the hopelessness with hope, and not after you find answers to all your questions. But now.

Honor the role that the dream characters have played in your life until now – the unlovable one, the unworthy one, the ‘broken’ one, and the ‘unhealed’ one. You need not go to war with these ones. You need not send them away, practice aggression toward them, ‘heal’ them, or ‘let them go.’ For they will let go of you when they are no longer needed to protect you from the surging of the somatic world.

To let in the implications of this is utterly exhilarating. And completely terrifying simultaneously. One world is ending so that the true world may appear from behind the clouds of separation. The world of love is here… now.

Photo by Stephen Vecchiotti