Friday, October 9, 2015
The invitation of the beloved
The invitation of the beloved, in each of his or her forms, is for you to step fully into the crucible of relationship where the orphaned children of your heart, your body, and your psyche will be sure to be waiting for you. These ones have not come to harm, but to reveal how vast and whole you truly are, and how the unprecedented activity of love will never conform to your hopes, fears, and preferences.
Within the fires of this alchemical container, you will be asked to open to the possibility that the purpose of intimacy may not be to provide consistent feelings of safety, connection, validation, and the meeting of everything you have come to believe you ‘need.’ And that the beloved will never ultimately confirm what you think love is, but only continue to introduce you to the wildly creative terrain of the wisdom-pathways within you.
Perhaps there will always be surges of grief, rejection, fear, rage, abandonment, rejection, and shame that arise organically in the field of friends and lovers. May you remain committed to meeting each of these archaic emissaries with your presence, curiosity, and care – surrounding them with warmth and with space, no matter how disturbing, irritating, or joyful they may appear. For it is by way of holding and non-abandonment that the mysteries of lover and beloved will flower within and around you.
The more you allow the ‘other’ to matter to you – and allow them inside the very core of your historic essence-vulnerabilities – the more you can count on every feeling, emotion, and sensation that remains unmetabolized within to come roaring to the surface. This is not evidence that something has gone wrong, but of how sacred intimacy truly is, and how deeply the unmet aspects of yourself are yearning to be allowed back home.
While it may be tempting to view this material as some sort of problem, mistake, or error which must urgently be fixed, cured, remedied, or ‘healed,’ turn into its essence and provide a field of holding. For the greatest gift you can offer your friend or lover is to remove the burden that they take care of the shadows your unlived life.
Above all, please be kind to yourself and your partners if you choose together to engage in intimacy as a path of healing and awakening – for perhaps there is no greater temple for the unfolding your heart in our contemporary world. There are many valid reasons to be in relationship, and it is a gift to your partner to be clear as to why you are participating.
Art by Randal Roberts