Thursday, September 10, 2015
For this is a sacred disorientation
You wondered if as you healed, if as you awakened, you would feel less. But you are seeing that love continues to ask you to feel more. There was an idea that as your heart opened, you would be less vulnerable, less naked, and less exposed – but you are more raw and tender now than you’ve ever been.
You wondered if as you transformed and stepped fully into the here and now, you would be more detached, not care quite so much, and rest as the ‘witness’ of your life from beyond it all. But, alas, you care so much you are burning up inside.
You know that things will never be the same, but you still don’t know what is coming next or even where you are, or what is truly being asked of you. This unknowing groundless ground is your home now, and the intelligence and creativity here can feel unbearable. You are being guided by the unseen, the unheard, and the unknown, but this guidance is occurring outside the dense environment of the mind. You are unable any longer to find any sort of reference point from which to orient.
Look carefully. Stay very close. For this is a sacred disorientation.
The colors, the fragrances, and the sounds of the phenomenal world – it is almost too much. The purples, the blues, the rose, and the birdsong – they have arrived from the other world. It feels like if you allowed the beloved fully inside you that you would fall to the ground in pure astonishment. Yet you long for him or her to fill you.
As you look up into the morning sky – or into the vastness of dusk – you can’t help but notice that things are colored by a certain tinge of sadness. But this is not the sadness of the mind where something is missing. It is a sadness which is pouring out of your overflowing heart. This sadness is your only yoga now. You are willing to give your heart to others and to this world, for you are seeing that this is why you have come here.
Somehow, by some outrageous grace… the dream of postponement has come to an end. You are here. Now.