Saturday, September 19, 2015

An invitation into the holiness of break down

It is so natural to want to help others, especially when they are suffering, hurt, confused, or scared. Unless you are deeply in touch and embodied to your own unresolved emotional landscape, however, you will likely find yourself spinning to fix, change, transform, and ‘heal’ the others in your life. You will fall out of attunement with the vast creative field that is present when you open to another and provide a holding space where their experience can unfold, illuminate, and reveal its wisdom essence.

While it may appear that the ‘other’ is merely an object in your own awareness, love is inviting you to hold them intimately, nakedly, as an authentic, unique person in their own right. In the very core of the darkness, there is a brilliant longing for wholeness and integration. Stay close and you will see that they are not ‘depressed,’ ‘anxious,’ ‘lost in their story,’ a total mess, bipolar, ill, schizophrenic, neurotic, or insane. They are on a sacred journey, and have invited you into the holiness of break down.

Yes, you may be asked to walk with them into the dark of the night, without knowing where the path will lead. Without becoming fused with the display, you nonetheless allow them to matter so much to you, caring so deeply for them and their experience, exactly as it is. You are willing to cry, to laugh, to use words and to invoke silence, and to hold them close as you join them fully in the fire of the here and now.

You are willing to love them even if they do not ‘heal’ according to the dictates of your own hopes, fears, and unmet dreams. Even if their emotional state is triggering all of your own unmetabolized wounding, your commitment is to get on their side and do whatever you can so that when they look into your eyes they feel you fully there with them. Perhaps for the first time, they are actually seen by another human being, the way they organize their experience is held and validated, and the way they are making meaning of their life is contacted and shared. You are willing to see, together, how intelligent the emotional world truly is.

May you join with your friend in a revolution, with the entirety of the phenomenal world as your witness, in proclaiming that no mistake has been made, that they are not broken, flawed, ‘sick,’ or some project which needs fixing. Their immediate experience need not be ‘cured,’ shifted, transformed, or even ‘healed.’ Not healed, but held. And see together with them that all states of mind are utterly workable, intelligent, and harbingers of integration and health. Please do not underestimate the healing power of love.

With your hearts intertwined, may you come to rest in the wild, radical truth that sadness, grief, depression, and rage are not pathology, but path. As you allow the conditioned movement to fix, cure, or heal the other to dissolve into the vastness of the intersubjective space between, watch in awe as a sanctuary of space, holding, and kindness appears out of the unseen, through which pure, transforming love is able to find safe passage here.

Photo by Tina Fiveash