Thursday, July 16, 2015

Homeless in love

At times, you may be called to jump from the cliffs of certainty and into the purifying fires of love. Yet you sense that something will be lost there. You want love to give you something, but you already are everything. This is the secret gift of the beloved: that he or she has nothing to ‘give’ you, but only something to reveal that is already present.

While it is exhilarating to open yourself in this way, it is also terrifying as to do so will inevitably bring you right to the illuminated gates of your core vulnerabilities, your secret fears, and the reality that you can no longer hide from the rewiring activity of intimacy. It is risky to lose your hold on the known, to watch as the ways you’ve come to see yourself dissolve, along with the hopes, fears, and dreams about who you will become and how others will see you.

What will it be like to watch as the ground falls out underneath all of your identities? The spiritual one, the special one, the ‘awakened’ one, the one who will accomplish great things. The lonely one, the hopeful one, the unlovable one, the peaceful one, the accepting one, the one who is growing and changing, the surrendered one, and the hopeless one. The one in the present moment. The one with ‘wounds’ from the past that must be healed before you can fully show up here. The one who ‘knows’ something.

What if love is raging into your world to reveal that you are no one? Would you meet this one, provide sanctuary and safe passage, and hold her close? Or would you quickly turn away, scrambling into a new identity, urgently recreating the one who needs to be seen according to the dictates of your unlived life, as the one who has come to save the world, as the ‘powerful’ one, as a profound God or a Goddess of one kind or another, as the one who has transcended heartbreak and vulnerability, safe at a distance from the crushing activity of the beloved? As a ‘healer,’ savior, the leader of souls, as one who has it all figured out and has ‘mastered’ love? As one who has it all together, safe forever from the messy, gooey, sticky, unresolvable mandala of intimacy with all things?

The risk here is that you will end up a refugee, homeless in love, without any hope that you will ever resolve or come to terms with the wild, creative movement of the beloved in your life. For you are willing to touch, hold, and metabolize any experience that dawns in your miracle body and nervous system, to transmute and use its underlying energy to help beings everywhere. Fortunately, it was never this certainty or this ground that you were really after anyway. And of no interest whatsoever to the beloved – for he or she is serving the golden path of dust.

Open to the longing to return home, to rest in your true nature, as no one. Give everything to know the fragrance of this archaic homesickness, to be that vessel in which pure, tender, non-special love may come like a wildfire into this world, erupting through your body and your heart, leaving nothing but ashes of grace in its wake.

Art by Josh Separzadeh