Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Meeting the 'other' for the very first time



The next time you're with a friend, your Mother, Father, sister, brother, son, daughter, co-worker, boss, lover, grocery cashier, flight attendant, restaurant server, or stranger... do what you can so that they can truly feel you there with them. Offer them the most precious gift of your contact, your presence, and your love. Look them gently in the eye, touch them softly, listen carefully to what they are saying. Allow their subjective experience – the way they are making sense of reality, of making meaning of their life – all the way in... without needing to change it, transform it, understand it, or argue with it. 

Set aside as best you can your demand that they show up according to your own unconscious agenda. See that they are not merely an object in your awareness, some receptacle to get your 'needs' met, but a majestic subject in their own right, struggling just like you on the path of love, in their own way. Dare to see that what is occurring before you is an unfolding miracle, exactly as it is.

Allow this one to matter to you, take that risk that true intimacy will always demand, as if you are on the brink of crumbling heartbreak, as if this could truly be your last moment with them... forever. For it just may be. If not now, then soon – sooner than you'd like. He or she is so precious, so unique, so unprecedented, even in his or her ability to trigger your most raging core vulnerabilities. Be willing to see even this as wild grace in disguise, taking form as a trigger to remind you of something so important you've forgotten about the nature of love. 

Perhaps you don't need to 'fix,' 'heal,' 'cure,' or 'teach' them – or transmit to them some sort of fabulous 'awakened state.' Just one moment of your tender, humble, sweet presence will be enough, much more than enough. Just be there. Fully. 

Suspend everything you think you know about them, for just this one moment. The truth is that you have never, ever met this one before. Set aside the dream figure you have 'been in relationship with' and meet the one that is standing right in front of you, for the very first time.