Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Letters written to you from your own heart...
If you look carefully, you may notice a subtle aggression toward certain feelings, emotions, and bodily sensations. You just want them to go away. They're 'obstacles,' right? Obscurations on the path, 'negative,' and evidence that something has gone wrong. It is time to turn to psychological and spiritual techniques to change them, shift them, transform them, and 'heal' them... and quickly.
Let us slow way way down for a moment. Breathe slowly and deeply. Touch the earth. Look up in the sky. Listen to the birds. Bring your senses back on line and infuse your experience with just one moment of holy pause... and see. Perhaps a miracle is unfolding. Let us not miss it if so.
These long-lost, uninvited guests arrive out of empty space, dancing in the vastness that you are, but have come to be associated with a survival-level sort of panic, urgency, and resistance. As they arise, they are met with a cosmic 'No' and denied presence in your raw body and tender heart. We are wired to either deny or repress them – on the one hand – or to act them out or act them in, scrambling urgently to find relief, shaming and blaming ourselves and others, creating all sorts of fantastical narratives in the hope of just... one... moment... of... relief.
But what if the 'relief' was not the final destination? What if these feelings and emotions need not be 'healed,' but held?
As a little one, it is unlikely that these same feelings were received into an attuned home – rather, they triggered anxiety in those around you or otherwise led them to remove affection, connection, touch, and attunement. As a little one with a developing sensitive brain, you learned very intelligently to disconnect from pieces and parts of yourself – and to send them on their way.
But these ones are now knocking on the door of your heart. Can you hear them? Can you feel them? How will you respond? As emissaries of love, they will not go away. They are longing for just a moment of your attention, of your loving presence.
You are no longer a little one, with a developing brain. You are alive, creative, embodied, and have capacities beyond your young imagination. You are here. And longing to know the mysteries of love, of intimacy, of presence, and of aliveness. Each time you turn from the fire within, you reinforce the neural groove that these feelings are not workable, that they are not valid, and that they are a risk to your survival. But with the radical tools of penetrating wisdom and wild kindness, you can discover if this is still true.
These feelings, these emotions, these sensations – all of the abandoned and discarded pieces – may have very important information for your journey. They are letters written to you from your heart, from your nervous system, and from the beloved itself, longing to reach you. Before you turn from them – relegating them out in the cold and in the dark – turn toward them, provide safe passage, and watch in astonishment as they reveal their true nature.
Photo by Marc Adamus