Saturday, February 14, 2015

A day of wild intimacy and aliveness

Wondering what to give your friend or lover this Valentine's day?

Give them the gift of your presence though the two qualities of love: contact and space. For it is through these qualities that you will create a sanctuary of wholeness for you to step in together, walking through a forest of loving-kindness, offering one another a rose of wild compassion. Take a moment to make actual contact with the one you love: take a risk, allow them to matter to you, be curious about how they are making meaning of their life.

Stay close to the actuality of their lived, embodied experience. Dare to care so much that you have no choice but to infuse your sacred awareness into the center of their psyche, into the core of their heart, into the cells of their nervous system, and into the secret caverns of their body. See that the 'other' is not merely an object arising in your awareness, but is an actual person, a subject in their own right. They are alive, their heart is beating, they are seeing the world, and trying to make sense of it all. Just like you. What they are is an unfolding miracle.

In a moment of pure contact, remove the subtle (or not so subtle) burden that they change, become someone different, see things the way you do, organize their experience like you - that they shift, transform, or even 'heal.' Be willing to see them, hold them, and love them even if they never, ever meet your endless requirements and needs (which they never will - this is their great gift to you). Make contact with the one in front of you, perhaps for the first time, and let the dream figure go that you have created in your mind. Meet the one who is here. What a profound gift that you can offer.

In addition to contact, you can give to your lover the space to be what he or she is. This 'space' is not actually something that you can 'give' to another, but is what you are, your seed-essence which is also their true nature. Let them know you are there for them, that you will stay close, but not so close that you fuse or engulf them with the shadows of your unlived life. If they need you, you will be there, but you will also allow them to live their life, to make their own mistakes, to make their own meaning of what is happening inside and outside them, and to chart their own course. You will allow their heart to break, to touch the depths of their own pain and vulnerability, and to stand in their existential aloneness, with you by their side in deep respect for how alone the path can sometimes feel. You will honor your separateness as well as your oneness, and provide space in which they can make the journey in their own way.

Perhaps these are the greatest gifts you can give on this Valentine's day, but please don't take my word for it. Look into your heart and into the eyes of the beloved in front of you and see for yourself. And even if you find yourself alone on this day, the beloved is waiting for you inside the mirror of your own heart. Look and see. Even within this field of aloneness - which we are all standing with you in - you are in the perfect place to make this same offering, by giving these gifts to yourself. Stay in close, intimate contact to whatever is arising within you and offer yourself the space for your experience to unfold and illuminate exactly as it is. For you will never be able to provide to another what you are unable to give to yourself.

Wishing my friends a Valentine's Day of aliveness and wild intimacy, from the ever-sensual mandala of Lanikai, at the womb of the world...