Saturday, November 29, 2014

The mandala of vulnerability

In intimate relationship there may always be ruptures which arise in the field of lovers.  For when we enter into the mandala of vulnerability with another, each and every unprocessed emotion, feeling, and sensation will be there greeting us at the gates, yearning to be met, awaiting our alive presence, and longing for metabolization in our ripe bodies and hearts. Once inside, the call of the beloved arrives in a thundering silence: come closer. Undress. And come closer.

Along the provocative path of intimacy yoga, it may appear as if our lover is doing something *to* us, but often all they're really doing is just being themselves. Yet somehow this is enough to unleash an avalanche of rage, fear, feelings of abandonment and dependency, a tidal wave of unresolved attachment, and an urgent, desperate longing to be seen as we are. In the dance with the beloved, the bad news is that there is absolutely nowhere to hide. Ironically, this is the good news as well.

Without warning, we find ourselves back in that very familiar place where it's... just... not... safe. We long for secure ground and reference point from which we can organize our lives, but the beloved loves us too much to offer this. And on top of it all, the superego remains nearby, reminding us: these sorts of feelings aren't very 'spiritual,' are they? Really, anger? Jealousy? Dependency? Terror? Attachment? I thought you had 'transcended' all this? What about your 'awakening?' You were enlightened, in bliss, in such peace and sooooo in love when you were on your own… weren’t you? You were so incredibly safe then. Perhaps this isn't for you after all.

In the wake of these inevitable ruptures – which are none other than the beloved's wild activity in disguise – love has appeared, yet again, as the ultimate curative and repair, bursting through the cracks in your heart, oozing out of your cellular tissue, and emerging in full force out of the strands of your DNA. You are being reminded of the actual role of the beloved in your life – creativity, destruction, and rewiring the entire known world. Each rupture that appears comes pleading with you to behold the portal it is opening inside you: Come closer. Undress. And come closer.

An invitation has arrived, but it has not come from any human source; it has fallen out of the stars and emerged up out of the gooey muddy earth. The beloved is at it again, using whatever form he must, to find you, to unclothe you, and to reveal the majesty and splendor that you are. She will never, ever stop looking for you, using whatever skillful means she must to reach you. Please don’t miss this opportunity. But if you do, don’t worry, love will come again, and again, and again, until your heart has turned to dust. 

Art by Ljubov Toscheva