Wednesday, October 29, 2014

A most sacred astonishment

“The seeker should not stop until he finds. When he does find, he will be disturbed. After being disturbed, he will be astonished. Then he will reign over everything.” These words, said by Jesus, open the great Gospel of Thomas.

What if things here were not quite as they seem? That what you actually are is utterly sacred? That this world, your senses, your feelings, your emotions, your body – that these are revelations of unprecedented grace? Anointed portals of presence and love?

Inside the very center of your raging alive somatic experience—buried in the confusion, dancing in the core of your neurosis, and dripping out of your broken-open heart, is vast intelligence and luminous wisdom. Take just one moment and see. Nothing has gone wrong. Your present, embodied reality is pure creative flow.

Let this life touch you, break you open, and reveal the wholeness that you are. Dare to see that all of your experience is valid and a pathway of illumination. You will be astonished by what you find.

Photo by Robert Maschke

Q: Being the inquisitive person that I am, I wonder why Jesus said that first you would be 'disturbed'. That's very interesting.

A: my experience, when we come to the direct, embodied realization that there is nothing in actuality which corresponds to our thoughts, beliefs, hopes, fears, and fantasies about love, about life, about the beloved, about this heart, we can be met with waves of exhilaration as well as those of disorientation. When the unknown dawns in our hearts, and we are no longer able to find a reference point in which to orient, when groundlessness and the radiant here and now become our only refuge, when love is pouring out in its sweet and fierce forms as this very life, this can be rather disturbing and disorienting from the perspective of egoic process and the entirety of what we have come to know up until that point.

On the one hand, we long to know love as the organizing principle of this reality – to heal, to awaken, to transform, to open, to be radically alive and embodied to what is truly happening here; however on the other there may always be an unconscious part of us that resists this aliveness. For to truly give ourselves to love, we know that *everything* will change; love will re-wire, re-orient, and burn up the known world. We will be face to face with every vulnerability, feeling, and sensation we have spent our entire lives avoiding and distracting ourselves from. And the unknown, and this burning heart, will be our only remaining refuge. On the one hand, this is all we've ever wanted and been longing for. On the other hand, from the perspective of the known world and egoic organization, this may be experienced as pure disturbance.