Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Holding the sacred paradoxes of love

On the one hand we long for connection, for aliveness, to heal all that has yet to be resolved within us, and for intimacy with all things. We want to live this life in a totally new way, free from the past, free from all limitation, with our hearts wide open to give and receive love. On the other, we may always have an unconscious investment in never "resolving" our anxiety or "problems" as they are serving such an important distractive function. To truly let go of our dramas, stories, and complaints about life and others, we know at an intuitive level that we will have to face and stay embodied with every feeling and wild somatic quality we've spent our entire lives committed to avoiding. Icky. That sort of achy vulnerability doesn't sound so pleasant.

We're just not sure. The problems are so compelling. Do I really want to know who and what I am without the reference point of my personal identity dramas? Without some story of the victimized one, the hurt one, the sad one, the hopeless one, or the awakened one? What if we were to start by taking a vow to not complain for an entire month? What would we meet in the wake of such a commitment? Perhaps we could start for a few hours?

Let us hold this precious, sacred contradiction and paradox close to our hearts, and honor both parts of us: the one that longs for love, for healing, for breaking all the way open into the world of the beloved; and the other that seeks safety, the known, and what has come before. Let us learn to trust in our experience to reveal the mysteries of this union in a time frame and in ways that we will never, ever understand. We can count on never understanding, and take refuge in that.

And watch in astonishment as love forms the entirety of our experience, moment by moment by moment, as it unfolds in each interaction we have. Each moment is a new and fresh and creative opportunity to know the vastness of love that we are. We are willing to surrender the urgent need to find resolution, to come to certainty, or to rest in some sort of final sense that we know anything, really, about the wild nature of love.

We are somehow willing to live with a raw, vulnerable, tender heart forever, with the commitment to opening to these energies as path, making use of whatever arises in our immediate experience as skillful means to connect with and help others.