Friday, July 4, 2014

A day of true freedom

The worry that you will be abandoned. The terror of being alone forever. The panic in feeling utterly dependent upon another. 

The anxiety as you step into the reality of how vulnerable you really are. The apprehension around intimacy and opening your heart and body with no guarantee you will remain safe or that your love will be requited. 

The dread of the looming death of yourself and everyone around you. 

These are the great fears that come as you wake, as you fall asleep, and as you dream through this life.

In your willingness to take a risk, to feel it all, to truly allow another to matter, to step all the way into this life, and to expose yourself to an eternal sort of heartbreak, you come face to face with the most devastating fear that you’ve ever known, but have never been able to articulate: that you are loved. 

For when you are truly loved, when you are entirely seen, when you are fully held, it is the end of your world as you know it. Things will never be the same. You will never again be able to pretend that you are other than precious and whole as you are. The implications of this are dizzying if you let them all the way in. 

It is so exhilarating to be seen and met in this way, but it is also terrifying as you are fully naked now, utterly raw, and achingly wide open. Even the breeze as it passes feels as if it might be too much, for it goes right through your skin to mingle with your heart. A sunrise, the longing of a little baby, the newly blown open wildflowers, gazing into the translucent eyes of your lover—you may never be protected again. The particles of love are interpenetrating your entire sensory world and you are just not sure your heart and nervous system can take it. Friend, you might as well just let love have you. 

You are free to be who and what you are now—no longer tied to a past you thought you wanted, no longer bound by the limited, willing to risk it all for love, and free to be the fearless wildness that you are. 

Photo by Roy Zipstein. Reminds me of the wild open-hearted little ones I used to hold, hug, kiss, and play with in the streets of Kathmandu... so precious.