Saturday, June 7, 2014

At times, grace can seem so far away...

You noticed some pain coming up. You tried to 'witness' it, allow it, accept it, transform it, heal it, be with it, but it only got worse. Didn’t you hear once that grace is there in the pain, too? 

You quickly applied all the teachings and techniques, but why hasn’t the pain gone away? Why do I feel worse? Where is my peace? When will the sadness yield to joy? The hopelessness to hope? The anguish to bliss? Did I do something wrong? Have I failed yet again, this time as a good spiritual person? Has some horrible mistake been made? Am I flawed in some fundamental way? Yes, that must be it. 

Grace seems so far away, an alluring story dreamed up by cosmic daydreamers with noble intentions.

But wait. Slow way down. Give yourself the gift of sacred pause. For just one moment, shift your precious awareness out of interpretation, narrative, and understanding. Drop the frenetic scramble to manipulate your experience—to change it, heal it, transform it, transcend it. Descend down into the grace-cave of your body and behold as the urgent need for resolution burns up in the womb of the beloved. You are not a project to be solved. What you are is way too majestic for all that. 

Open your senses. Look up into the sky. Touch the ground. Crumble into the preciousness that is this special love-realm you have somehow taken birth within. Listen to the sounds that are arriving here from beyond. Smell the fragrances that are pouring in here for the first time. Stay close. See that nothing has gone wrong. The beloved is right here with you, but will not take you out of your somatic unfolding; for this is the way she can reach you, and set your world on fire with love. Hers, though, is a love beyond the mind. And her only method is your burning. 

Stay with the radiant freshness of your immediate experience. Dare to see that grace is where you are. It has only ever been right here and right now. See that it is not a destination, but a lover. It is not a place where you arrive, but is the actual substance of every experience, if you will stay, hold, and make love with it. Feel it glowing right now, illuminating your very struggle, dancing in the center and shining through the mess. Look carefully and see that grace will shape-shift even into darkness if that is what she must to reach you and to show you something important about the wild nature of love. 

Grace can only appear to fail you when you try to use her, when she is co-opted by your hopes and fears, and when you become lost in the dream that you must urgently resolve your present experience. Set aside the ancient movement to rewind and fast-forward and drop into the body. The intelligence and the creativity there is of the stars and will astonish you.

Seen through wide-open eyes and your majestic broken-open heart, every moment is what you seek, and grace could never fail you.