Thursday, December 12, 2013

Your aloneness has been placed inside you by the beloved



The experience of aloneness is one that is very misunderstood in our world. But it comes to purify, to burn away everything that is less than whole within you. It comes revealing the holy truth that despite your profound connection with others, this journey is for you to make alone. 

No one can experience life for you, love for you, or feel heartbreak for you. No one can look up into the sky and behold the glory of the moon and the stars for you. No one can experience the color red or purple or yellow or orange for you. No one can fall to the ground in astonishment at how much grace is really here. And no one can embrace your sadness for you. For all of this is yours alone. 

The path is everywhere, though you must walk it in your own way, breaking open as you go—allowing life to touch you so deeply and to show you how sensitive you really are.  You are being asked to feel everything now, and to see that love is wild and alive here in this star, and dare to embrace the reality that nothing is out of place. 

Friend, please honor your aloneness—and hold it tenderly as your sweet lover—for it is has been placed inside you by the beloved one to draw you nearer to her. 

 


5 comments:

  1. I hear what you are saying, Matt. However, "aloneness" for me has become a loneliness that is virtually unbearable. I know this is the case for other people. (By the way, I receive your posts via facebook but cannot leave a comment there because I am a "follower," not a fb "friend." Leaving a comment on fb is not an option.)

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    1. Dear friend, I can very much appreciate your experience of loneliness as being utterly unbearable; yes, this is indeed how it moves in our lives at times. I am with you. In my experience, it is possible for us to gradually/ slowly learn to stay with even this disturbing movement within us, to actually touch it as its core, and even make a home for it within the wholeness that we are.

      This is very difficult work, never easy, and requires everything we have; this is the essence of the journey of re-embodiment that I speak of here. And as we do, we can come to discover its actual nature, and to see that even our loneliness is not working against us, is actually on our side, to reveal the depths of experience, totality, wholeness, and integration. Of course this is a deeply experiential process and not one that we can "think" our way through or approach in a merely conceptual way.

      In my experience, while this sort of loneliness can feel quite disturbing, it is often in the resistance to it that is where the bulk of the suffering lies; as well as in the many conclusions we've come to regarding it, in our turning from it, i.e. that it shouldn't be there, that it is harming us on some fundamental level, that its presence is a clear indication of how we've failed at life or at our spiritual journeys, or indicates some essential way that we are ultimately unlovable, and so forth. But as we learn to stay with the experience, at the level of raw sensation, and return over and over (for short periods of time) to a non-interpretive level of experience, that it can unfold, illuminate, and transform within us. It can be very helpful to do this work in an interpersonal context (i.e. with an attuned therapist or spiritual teacher, close friend, intimate partner, etc.). As most of our emotional wounding occurred in an interpersonal environment, it is often best unwound with a relational field. This is not ultimately required, of course, but can be very helpful.

      I really wish you the best with you journey, my friend. Lots of love, matt

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    2. Thank you for replying. How kind and loving of you. By the way, I am not the same Anonymous as below.

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  2. The beloved may know that nothing is out of place, and I may indeed be broken open. This feeling I have that divine order truly is out of place, and this enormous grief I feel around it is very hard to bear. The feeling of hopelessness is overpowering. It overcrowds any knowing of the divine acting. Being with the sadness is almost unbearable, because I am fighting the aloneness, this gift. It is unrelenting,though it feels like a curse, not a gift. I don't want to let it in. So, I'm grateful for your posts dear Matt, to help me consider the love of the creator in all. To ask that the rejection might melt to allow what will be...

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    1. Dear friend (sorry, not totally sure if you are the same friend who wrote above)... in my experience, it is not so important that you come to some conclusion that divine order is in or out of place. Rather, whatever arises within the context of your immediate, embodied experience you can hold, allow, and explore within you. If it is a deep feeling of mistrust, enormous grief, or utter hopelessness, you can touch these within you (see my reply above for a bit more on this). In the context of the work I am inviting on this blog, there is no goal to "convert" one sort of feeling or experience into another (i.e. hopelessness to hope, grief to joy, etc.) but rather to no longer abandon oneself. It is not to take on some new spiritual belief about how divine order is or is not out of place, but to gradually learn to re-embody, to begin to metabolize all of that which we were unable to do as little ones.

      Thank you for your kind words regarding my posts; I hope you can find some continued benefit in them. This is the work of a lifetime and you seem to be engaged very directly with it. I really appreciate you opening your heart. love, matt

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