Monday, November 18, 2013

You are free to be who and what you are now



The fear of being abandoned. The terror of being lonely forever. The anxiety of being utterly dependent upon another. 

The panic of unbearable vulnerability and exposure. The dread of the looming death of yourself and everyone around you. 

These are the great fears that come as you wake, as you fall asleep, and as you dream through this life.

In your willingness to take a risk, to feel everything, to truly allow another to matter, and to expose yourself to an eternal sort of heartbreak, you come face to face with the most devastating fear that you’ve ever known, but have never been able to articulate: that you are loved. 

For when you are truly loved, when you are entirely seen, when you are fully held, it is the end of your world as you know it. Things will never be the same. You will never again be able to pretend that you are other than precious and whole as you are. The implications of this are dizzying if you let them all the way in. 

It is so exhilarating to be seen and held in this way, but it is also terrifying as you are fully naked now, utterly raw, and achingly wide open. Even the breeze as it passes you feels as if it might be too much, for it goes right through your skin to touch your heart. A sunrise, the longing of a little baby, the autumn leaves, looking into the eyes of your lover – you may never be protected again. The particles of love are interpenetrating your entire sensory world and you are just not sure your heart and nervous system can take it.

You are free to be who and what you are now – no longer tied to a past you thought you wanted, no longer bound by the limited, willing to risk it all for love, and free to be the fearless wildness that you are. 


2 comments:

  1. it would seem that to hold ourselves in this way, truly loved, fully accepted and precious in our own eyes, would be the first and best expression of love that we could give (ourselves) - but is it even possible? I mean, to the depth/length/width that we feel with another person? Is that what makes it what it is, so utterly devastating, vulnerable and yet exhilarating in the risk? It is a conundrum, "I cannot fully love until I find the other to fully love me" - I don't want to be in that space anymore, the one where I wait for another to see me....I see me....where I wonder who is going to love me for me.....I love me. Yet - and here is the sobering truth - despite the comfort I find in my own company, despite my content with who I am, as I am - I still long for another....and so, I wait. Yesterday, it was ok, no problem. Today, it's boo to that.

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    1. Oh my Yogi friend, you are describing so well the aching journey of lover and beloved in this world and in the unseen. From the Absolute, you are love, you are seen, you are that beyond seen and unseen. and from the glory of the messiness of the relative, you long for union with the "other." Is there an "other?" this is the mystery, isn't it? Yes, it is the most sacred conundrum, the most blessed disorientation. friend, the invitation here is to see the possibility that there is no resolution here. and in that messy non-resolved container you will dance. Of course you long for another, you long for you, and yesterday was fine and today you are aching. The beloved is alive in you. you feel so alive to me...

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