Saturday, November 9, 2013

Weaving the energies of separation and union

You wonder if you are making any progress, if you are moving forward, when it will ever feel better.

You’ve tried so hard, prayed so much, meditated, practiced yoga, stayed in the now, touched the Self in endless satsangs, affirmed, forgiven, and let go. You’ve even called off the search, come back, and then called it off again. You’ve been through so much. But you are quite sure nothing is changing, nothing is shifting. You’re tired.

You were told that opening your heart would feel good, and that love would feel safe; that awakening would drown the raging fire within, remove the confusion, and that you would feel less, not more.

But this is not the beloved’s world.

She is planting seeds of burning inside your heart that are starting to bear fruit within you. But it is a fruit from beyond this world. She is using the energies of light and dark, broken and whole, and separation and union to end one world and to start another.

For reasons unknown, you are here now, inside the mandala of the beloved, and love is in control. It is groundless here, yes, but you are seeing that in the core of this groundlessness is wisdom. There is no longer a reference point for you to rest in, you are no longer wedded to the known. You are in the care of the beloved now, in her holding environment, but it is so wild here.

You are in the unknown, and the creativity here is overwhelming. It is a bit disorienting, yes, but it is a sacred disorientation. It is this disorientation which is weaving the womb of your new birth. The fruition of billions of years of prayers is appearing before you, but will never look like you thought. For it is only out of the unknown that love is able to re-order this world.