Thursday, October 24, 2013

Only the unknown remains

You are tired and want to rest. You have struggled for so long to hold it all together, to maintain an image of yourself – of the spiritual person, the awakened one, the wounded one, the unlovable one, and the happy one. Your heart is heavy, your mind is weary, and your nervous system is fatigued. You are exhausted – physically, psychically, emotionally, but most of all cosmically. 

You have come to the end of one part of your journey but are unclear as to what is coming next. You are wandering from here to there asking: What does love want from me? What is being asked of me? Why have I been sent here? In one way, you feel so alive, anything could happen, so much of the false has fallen away; yet there are no longer any reference points. You aren’t even sure what to pray for anymore, what to hope for, or where it’s all going. You can’t quite remember why you ever started all this in the first place. You sense that something new is emerging but it has not yet broken through. You are flying through empty space, and you have no parachute. But because there’s no ground, somehow it’s all workable. 

You look up into the morning sky and sometimes it’s just too much, the grace that is here. Love is emerging out of the ground, coming out of the trees, and falling out of the sky to hold you. But it has not come to maintain your images; it is an emissary of the unknown and if you allow it all the way in, you know that things will never be the same again. In response, you are excited, you are so alive, but you are also terrified. The end of your world is near. 

Friends, you are being asked to ally with your deepest confusion, your most profound sadness, and to touch all of the ways you have concluded you are unlovable as you are. You are even being asked to go into the darkness and the unwanted, without any assurance that you will make it out. Yes, the beloved will walk with you into these worlds of experience, but she will not protect you. It is not her purpose to make you feel good, to provide safety and certainty, or to keep you in the known; but only to unfold her body into yours. 

Photo: October sunrise in the holding environment of Sneffels Range, forming the border of our precious Ouray county