Sometimes it can be so overwhelming, really, to let it
all the way in that one more day has been given; to just feel the implications of one
more chance to be illuminated by love. To take a walk in the rain on what
appears as another ordinary Monday morning, with the summer and the fall still
in dialogue about who will take it from here. It is so clear that I know
nothing at all, that I have no idea what the beloved wants from me, until she
whispers it to me through the birds, through the falling leaves, through the orangeness
of orange, the yellowness of yellow, through the crying little one across the
street who wants to be held, through the sun as it appears in its redness over
the mountains.
I feel so unbearably lucky to have this body, a gratitude
that I can’t really understand, that has come from beyond; there is so much
undeserved grace in this life. How can it actually be that breath is coming at
least for now, while knowing that at any moment the return may begin, that call
Home. But for now this life is a book of love, with so many sweet pages that
open for me so often, I’ve been given so much. So many precious open courageous
humble honest genuine people who share their hearts so deeply with me, who for
some crazy reason open themselves with me, who allow me to walk into the
darkness with them, to travel into their hearts with them, to wade through the
messy yucky gummy sticky gooey ultimately unresolvable sweetness that is this
life.
It is unbelievable, really, to see the ways that love
will make use of any and all form to show us something new and precious about
itself. It will give anything for just one of its qualities to come into this
world of time and space. It loves you that much.
How to respond when love is pouring out of the cracks of
the sidewalk, out of the cracks of this heart, out of the birdsong at sunrise, and
out of the painting that the architect of this dimension has offered as the
morning sky? It is clear that I really know nothing, other than this love and
this broken open heart, raw and tender and unprotected from love and her
movement out of the unknown. I really hope to make it all the way through this
day, and to see what might be shown tomorrow, but if not, for now I am left
only with an unexplainable, raging wild alive gratitude for this chance, for
this human life, to have be shown even a tiny sliver of love.
