Monday, September 23, 2013

Another autumn has been given

Sometimes it can be so overwhelming, really, to let it all the way in that one more day has been given; to just feel the implications of one more chance to be illuminated by love. To take a walk in the rain on what appears as another ordinary Monday morning, with the summer and the fall still in dialogue about who will take it from here. It is so clear that I know nothing at all, that I have no idea what the beloved wants from me, until she whispers it to me through the birds, through the falling leaves, through the orangeness of orange, the yellowness of yellow, through the crying little one across the street who wants to be held, through the sun as it appears in its redness over the mountains.

I feel so unbearably lucky to have this body, a gratitude that I can’t really understand, that has come from beyond; there is so much undeserved grace in this life. How can it actually be that breath is coming at least for now, while knowing that at any moment the return may begin, that call Home. But for now this life is a book of love, with so many sweet pages that open for me so often, I’ve been given so much. So many precious open courageous humble honest genuine people who share their hearts so deeply with me, who for some crazy reason open themselves with me, who allow me to walk into the darkness with them, to travel into their hearts with them, to wade through the messy yucky gummy sticky gooey ultimately unresolvable sweetness that is this life. 

It is unbelievable, really, to see the ways that love will make use of any and all form to show us something new and precious about itself. It will give anything for just one of its qualities to come into this world of time and space. It loves you that much.

How to respond when love is pouring out of the cracks of the sidewalk, out of the cracks of this heart, out of the birdsong at sunrise, and out of the painting that the architect of this dimension has offered as the morning sky? It is clear that I really know nothing, other than this love and this broken open heart, raw and tender and unprotected from love and her movement out of the unknown. I really hope to make it all the way through this day, and to see what might be shown tomorrow, but if not, for now I am left only with an unexplainable, raging wild alive gratitude for this chance, for this human life, to have be shown even a tiny sliver of love.