Friday, August 30, 2013

Your unlived life is always appearing before you

What is it that you have disowned in yourself? What is it that you will avoid feeling at all costs? What parts of you have you relegated into the shadows?

When you were a little boy or girl it was intelligent to split off from overwhelming experience and pieces of yourself that you could not integrate at the time. But these pieces are looking for you. They only want to show you their light and their wisdom, and be allowed back inside. They will continue to search for you, and will appear as your friends, your children, your lovers, your life circumstances, and even in the bird song that you hear in the morning. Look carefully as your unlived life is always appearing before you. Things here are rarely what they seem.

Love will find you if you will allow it, if you will take the risk of your heart breaking; and never, ever being put back together again. 


  1. Stunning, Matt. Really wonderful, and so, so true.
    I've subscribed to your blog.

    I also blog, on applying non-dual understanding to life:

    I've just renovated a home and moved, and am now moving my son, so writing has been very thin in the last two months.

  2. I'm happy to connect with you here, Amrita - looking forward to more. Wishing you the best with your writing, your new home, and your son, my friend. Lots of love...

  3. What do you mean by the "unloved" life? Ha, my computer keeps correcting unlived to unloved. That's probably the root of my problem right there! By unliived do you mean the life you would have lived if you had lived with more awareness about yourself or healed your wounds earlier?

    My unlived life is a hope for the future. It exists in bits and pieces in other people's lives. Clues. I think Love finds happy people and vice versa.

    1. Ha, yes, my iPhone always changes “unlived” to “unloved.” By “unlived life,” I am referring to the unseen influence of all of those pieces and parts of yourself that have yet to be integrated into the totality of what you are: all of your hopes and dreams and fears and undigested material that continues to affect you unconsciously. It is not so much about shaming oneself, judging, or otherwise becoming aggressive toward self-experience in terms of how one could have healed earlier or had more awareness, for this is fantasy, not reality; it is aggression, not love; projection, not actuality. It is more about an awareness that until we meet everything that is unresolved within us, until we can allow even the most disturbing aspects of who and what we are a home in our hearts, we will continue to be influenced by it, and usually in ways that remain completely out of awareness. This lack of awareness, for example, is what can keep a person from choosing the same type of intimate partner over and over, in ways that are not healthy for them; or addicted to one substance or another as a way of covering over anxiety which is attempting to break through; and is very much multi-generational, in my experience, with one person’s unlived life deeply affecting those around them. As Jung so brilliantly said, there is no greater influence on the reality of a child than the unlived life of the parents.

      I can certainly appreciate what you mean by “love finds happy people and vice versa,” assuming I’m understanding what you’re suggesting. I guess for me it really depends upon how you are defining “love” and “happy.” For me, happiness is a feeling quality that arises, dances for a while, and disappears, like all feelings. The goal for me is not happiness (for that always comes and goes) but totality, or a wholeness. Or, ultimately, to be in direct contact with that which could never come and go, that vastness that you are. Happiness comes and goes in what you are, not the other way around. For me love is a bringer of the totality, which includes light and dark; love has both very sweet and very fierce sides; and has come to bring transformation, not happiness. Love is an equal opportunity energy – it will find anyone, as it wishes, if it needs to show them something; for it is total and whole, it does not discriminate. But this is not the “love” that is a feeling, but rather love that is what happens when actuality meets a human being; that wide empty alive pregnant space in which everything comes and goes, filled with qualities of warmth, holding, and radical transformation.

      Thank you for sharing here, my friend.

  4. Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I've read it several times and I . . .I'm still trying to connect to your meaning. I think I just use different semantics.

    1. You're welcome, my friend; thank you for dialoging with me about it all. Yes, it is certainly possible that we are using words in different ways and pointing to the same thing; or that we simply have different life experiences. Either way, it's nice to connect a bit with you :) lots of love.